We here at the Broken Liver would like to thank our hard working readers who take lots of time out of their work day to post comments on The Broken Liver of Rogers Park. We are lucky to have wonderful, loyal readers like Polar Coast and Jostle_Lynn (at least in her pre-demonic possession days) who stand up to domineering bosses who have the audacity to expect them to do some silly filing or answering of phone calls. It is far more important that they use the time that their boss is paying them for to be involved with their community and post comments on this blog telling me how wonderful I am.
The next time your boss complains about you reading and blogging during the work day you tell him you're not some lazy Pace "worker" sleeping in your car on Morse Avenue. You're wide awake and you are hard at work and if he doesn't let you read the "Broken Liver" on company time then Braig Gernliver will blog about him and does he want that?
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Irresponsible Parody Blog Makes Light Of Near Tragedy
These parody blogs that are popping up all over Rogers Park are getting out of hand. Sometimes they can be entertaining like this "The Bench" one which is clearly making fun of my new best friend Tomblogger Womannis. He deserves it. He used to mock me when he was the official filmographer for the Ginderske campaign.
When these parody blogs get out of hand its time for the legitimate bloggers of Rogers Park to speak up.
If you read my other blog you know that a major gas leak occurred on Morse Avenue when a Joe NoMooreFoieGras connected construction crew tearing down a house next to JB Albertos ruptured a gas line. "Tom Mannis" at "The Bench" http://rogersparkbench.blogspot.com/2007/10/alert-gas-leak-closes-morse-avenue.html makes light of this near disaster by claiming that it was really a minor leak and it happened when the construction crew happened upon an old gas line which had not been mapped by People's Gas. "Mannis" claims the fire department over reacted. "Mannis" claims that our lives were never in danger. "Mannis" fails to show suitable outrage that JB Albertos, a business that I have been hate blogging about for years, nearly destroyed all of Rogers Park by turning their pizza ovens back on before I had certified the disaster zone as safe.
You can tell this one is a parody because most of Tomblogger Womannis's blog is speculation on whether or not Ann Coulter wears panties under those short skirts of hers. This post tries to be a legitimate "news" story which Womannis never has on his blog. Parody blog all you want "Mannis". The people of Rogers Park are grateful that I saved their lives by taking my laptop and running into the midst of the gas leak to blog about the gas leak. You should have seen how uber-loyal reader "Far_GoChick" thanked me. That would have given you something to blog about.
When these parody blogs get out of hand its time for the legitimate bloggers of Rogers Park to speak up.
If you read my other blog you know that a major gas leak occurred on Morse Avenue when a Joe NoMooreFoieGras connected construction crew tearing down a house next to JB Albertos ruptured a gas line. "Tom Mannis" at "The Bench" http://rogersparkbench.blogspot.com/2007/10/alert-gas-leak-closes-morse-avenue.html makes light of this near disaster by claiming that it was really a minor leak and it happened when the construction crew happened upon an old gas line which had not been mapped by People's Gas. "Mannis" claims the fire department over reacted. "Mannis" claims that our lives were never in danger. "Mannis" fails to show suitable outrage that JB Albertos, a business that I have been hate blogging about for years, nearly destroyed all of Rogers Park by turning their pizza ovens back on before I had certified the disaster zone as safe.
You can tell this one is a parody because most of Tomblogger Womannis's blog is speculation on whether or not Ann Coulter wears panties under those short skirts of hers. This post tries to be a legitimate "news" story which Womannis never has on his blog. Parody blog all you want "Mannis". The people of Rogers Park are grateful that I saved their lives by taking my laptop and running into the midst of the gas leak to blog about the gas leak. You should have seen how uber-loyal reader "Far_GoChick" thanked me. That would have given you something to blog about.
BROKEN LIVER EXCLUSIVE: Former Aldermanic Candidate's Daughter Continues to Cause Problems In Roger Park
This is background for those of you who haven't been long time readers of my other blog. About a year ago I ran an exclusive expose about how aldermanic candidate Don Gordon's teenage daughter was throwing wild parties complete with booze and nubile panty clad young things in the Gordon residence. I even had pictures I grabbed off Little Miss Sunshine Gordon's MySpace page. It was truly scandalous. It was so bad that I might have even voted for James Ginderske had he been a better dog sitter and had he let me be his campaign committee chair.
LMS Gordon's antics continue.
Early this morning I was walking home from the Oasis. I go there in the evenings now that Mooreon Brattly at the Red Line Tap has told me I am no longer welcome. He told me I was annoying the customers with all of my haranguing them with what a corrupt hell hole Rogers Park is. What a Mooreon. It was the Red Line Tap customers who were annoying me by refusing to pay full attention to all the important things I have to say.
I was walking up Sheridan Road when my alert eyes spot one of those vicious gnomes that I've been blogging about scampering under Tomblogger Eastgard's illegally parked truck. I crawled half way under the truck trying to get a photo of the illusive gnome for my blog when I hear a young female voice ask if i am all right. I told her "Of course not! I'm trying to take a picture of one of those deadly gnomes." She said "My gawd. You're even drunker than usual."
The voice was that of none other than Little Miss Sunshine Gordon herself.
I let Little Miss Sunshine have it. That is no way to talk to an important neighborhood blogger. I told her to show me some respect. Well, rather than backing down into cowed silence like the employees at Hay Chicago magazine do when I am nice enough to illustrate the many mistakes they make Miss Gordon has the audacity to go off on me.
She tells me that she isn't perfect but at least she's not drunk out of her mind. She tells me that her father isn't perfect either but at least he has the courage to stick his neck out and run for public office and instead of just constantly complaining about problems like we bloggers do he tries to offer up workable solutions.
That girl is bad news.
I told her that she's an evil seed but I am always willing to give problem children a second chance. I offered her the opportunity to be the Haymate of the Month in my Hay Chicago magazine. All I requested is that she come back to my condo with me and show me that she was centerfold material.
I don't clearly remember what happened next but I can only conclude that I was set on by a pack of vicious gnomes. I woke up on the sidewalk this morning all scraped up and bruised and battered (loyal Hell Hollers -- this is your cue to offer up lots and lots of sympathy, concern and admiration). Little Miss Sunshine Gordon was no where to be found. She must have run off and left me to fight the nasty gnomes by myself. She has no concern for Rogers Park.
The apple never falls far from the tree. That girl is bad news and I was right to use her to make her father look bad.
Blognotes: As I walked home this morning I saw a Pace "worker" sleeping in his official car. I could tell even through the closed window that he was passed out drunk. I've got photos of him on my other blog and am demanding that Pace fire him immediately for driving drunk on the streets of Rogers Park.
LMS Gordon's antics continue.
Early this morning I was walking home from the Oasis. I go there in the evenings now that Mooreon Brattly at the Red Line Tap has told me I am no longer welcome. He told me I was annoying the customers with all of my haranguing them with what a corrupt hell hole Rogers Park is. What a Mooreon. It was the Red Line Tap customers who were annoying me by refusing to pay full attention to all the important things I have to say.
I was walking up Sheridan Road when my alert eyes spot one of those vicious gnomes that I've been blogging about scampering under Tomblogger Eastgard's illegally parked truck. I crawled half way under the truck trying to get a photo of the illusive gnome for my blog when I hear a young female voice ask if i am all right. I told her "Of course not! I'm trying to take a picture of one of those deadly gnomes." She said "My gawd. You're even drunker than usual."
The voice was that of none other than Little Miss Sunshine Gordon herself.
I let Little Miss Sunshine have it. That is no way to talk to an important neighborhood blogger. I told her to show me some respect. Well, rather than backing down into cowed silence like the employees at Hay Chicago magazine do when I am nice enough to illustrate the many mistakes they make Miss Gordon has the audacity to go off on me.
She tells me that she isn't perfect but at least she's not drunk out of her mind. She tells me that her father isn't perfect either but at least he has the courage to stick his neck out and run for public office and instead of just constantly complaining about problems like we bloggers do he tries to offer up workable solutions.
That girl is bad news.
I told her that she's an evil seed but I am always willing to give problem children a second chance. I offered her the opportunity to be the Haymate of the Month in my Hay Chicago magazine. All I requested is that she come back to my condo with me and show me that she was centerfold material.
I don't clearly remember what happened next but I can only conclude that I was set on by a pack of vicious gnomes. I woke up on the sidewalk this morning all scraped up and bruised and battered (loyal Hell Hollers -- this is your cue to offer up lots and lots of sympathy, concern and admiration). Little Miss Sunshine Gordon was no where to be found. She must have run off and left me to fight the nasty gnomes by myself. She has no concern for Rogers Park.
The apple never falls far from the tree. That girl is bad news and I was right to use her to make her father look bad.
Blognotes: As I walked home this morning I saw a Pace "worker" sleeping in his official car. I could tell even through the closed window that he was passed out drunk. I've got photos of him on my other blog and am demanding that Pace fire him immediately for driving drunk on the streets of Rogers Park.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Rogers Park Bloggers And Blog Readers To Band Together In Defense Against Vicious Gnomes
You've read their mocking taunts in the comments section of this blog. You've read my report on Joe NoMooreFoieGras' totally ineffective response to this major crisis. You know Rogers Park is under siege by packs of vicious gnomes. Forget graffiti. Forget poo in the Morse Avenue El Station. Forget double parked drivers in front of JB Albertos. This is the worst crisis Rogers Park has ever faced. But don't worry. We're going to handle it.
We Rogers Park bloggers have been accused of being content to sit at home posting complaints to our blogs, demanding that elected officials fix those problems whether or not they actually have jurisdiction over those problems, and refusing to try and become one of those elected officials but not this time.
I live next door to the nearly empty Ryder Building which looks like prime territory for a gnome lair. I could be out running around the block with my camera, taking pictures and scaring the gnomes away but that would leave me with no time to blog and we all now how important it is that I do so. Se here's what were going to do.
We're going to form a human chain around the Ryder Building that will keep the gnomes out. My neighbors should be doing this but 99% of them don't care. They treat me like I'm some sort of crack pot because I am constantly telling them the neighborhood is a hell hole and they should move out but when they try and sell I chase after their buyers telling them the neighborhood is a hell hole and they'd be stupid to buy here. My neighbors blame me because they can't sell. I just tell the truth.
So, all my loyal blog readers are going to be the human chain -- 24 hours a day, seven days a week until the Joe NoMooreFoieGras gets off his fat lazy ass and does something about the gnome invasion. My loyal reader Polar Coast will be in charge of getting things organized.
Polar Coast loves me even though I once gave out her real name, address, grade school transcript and the size of her grandmother's panties all because she had the audacity to support aldermanic candidate Don Gordon before I said it was all right to do so. She has her own blog but she hasn't posted anything there in a long time. Her last posting dates all the way back to the time when Ol Blue Eyes Ginderske was my dog sitter. Instead she's on my blog all the time and usually during the work day. She complains about how unaffordable housing is and how she wants to move out of the Hell Hole. I could point out that if she was blogging less and working more she might earn enough to leave this gnome infested dump but I don't want to deprive anyone of the pleasure of reading my blog so I keep quiet.
Anyway, you all listen for instructions from Polar Coast and you keep those nasty gnomes out of the Ryder Building so my important blogging is not disturbed.
And remember, you read it first here on the Broken Liver.
We Rogers Park bloggers have been accused of being content to sit at home posting complaints to our blogs, demanding that elected officials fix those problems whether or not they actually have jurisdiction over those problems, and refusing to try and become one of those elected officials but not this time.
I live next door to the nearly empty Ryder Building which looks like prime territory for a gnome lair. I could be out running around the block with my camera, taking pictures and scaring the gnomes away but that would leave me with no time to blog and we all now how important it is that I do so. Se here's what were going to do.
We're going to form a human chain around the Ryder Building that will keep the gnomes out. My neighbors should be doing this but 99% of them don't care. They treat me like I'm some sort of crack pot because I am constantly telling them the neighborhood is a hell hole and they should move out but when they try and sell I chase after their buyers telling them the neighborhood is a hell hole and they'd be stupid to buy here. My neighbors blame me because they can't sell. I just tell the truth.
So, all my loyal blog readers are going to be the human chain -- 24 hours a day, seven days a week until the Joe NoMooreFoieGras gets off his fat lazy ass and does something about the gnome invasion. My loyal reader Polar Coast will be in charge of getting things organized.
Polar Coast loves me even though I once gave out her real name, address, grade school transcript and the size of her grandmother's panties all because she had the audacity to support aldermanic candidate Don Gordon before I said it was all right to do so. She has her own blog but she hasn't posted anything there in a long time. Her last posting dates all the way back to the time when Ol Blue Eyes Ginderske was my dog sitter. Instead she's on my blog all the time and usually during the work day. She complains about how unaffordable housing is and how she wants to move out of the Hell Hole. I could point out that if she was blogging less and working more she might earn enough to leave this gnome infested dump but I don't want to deprive anyone of the pleasure of reading my blog so I keep quiet.
Anyway, you all listen for instructions from Polar Coast and you keep those nasty gnomes out of the Ryder Building so my important blogging is not disturbed.
And remember, you read it first here on the Broken Liver.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Parody Blogger Shows True Identity
Parody blogger "Thomas Westgard" slipped and showed his true identity today. No sooner than I posted a story guessing that this wannabe wit is actually my rival blogger and archenemy Tomblogger Eastgard than "Thomas Westgard" is there commenting with some incoherent rant about inconsistencies and changing loyalties. What a twit!
About three years ago "Eastie" approached me with a request that I let him be the centerfold of the month in my Hay Chicago magazine. I don't imagine that there are many Hay Chicago readers who'd be interested in seeing a nerdy looking lawyer standing there without his briefs but it seemed like a good act of neighborly charity to let him have a chance to feel like a he man top model stud so I said yes. He comes back to me a few days later with his "contract". The damn thing is 120,394 pages of single spaced, 10 pt lawyerese. If I had tried to read the thing I'd still be reading it today and wouldn't have been able to blog about all these important stories with which I have horrified you all these years.
If "Eastie" wants to show off his bod he can do it by putting a picture of himself shirtless, shoveling sand in Loyola Park on that blog of "Thomas Westgard". You won't be seeing him at Hay Chicago or the "Broken Liver" anytime soon.
Being a centerfold in Hay Chicago is a great thing. I was going to pose myself but my loyal toady staffers talked me out of it by explaining to me that because of my blog I am already world famous in Rogers Park and the centerfold would make me even more famous. I might get killed by some crazy stalker fan. Now I am thinking about posing anonymously by sitting astride my crotch rocket with my helmet on. No one will ever guess who I am but they'll be impressed with my big crotch rocket; almost as much as the ladies of Rogers Park are impressed with me as a real man neighborhood blogger.
About three years ago "Eastie" approached me with a request that I let him be the centerfold of the month in my Hay Chicago magazine. I don't imagine that there are many Hay Chicago readers who'd be interested in seeing a nerdy looking lawyer standing there without his briefs but it seemed like a good act of neighborly charity to let him have a chance to feel like a he man top model stud so I said yes. He comes back to me a few days later with his "contract". The damn thing is 120,394 pages of single spaced, 10 pt lawyerese. If I had tried to read the thing I'd still be reading it today and wouldn't have been able to blog about all these important stories with which I have horrified you all these years.
If "Eastie" wants to show off his bod he can do it by putting a picture of himself shirtless, shoveling sand in Loyola Park on that blog of "Thomas Westgard". You won't be seeing him at Hay Chicago or the "Broken Liver" anytime soon.
Being a centerfold in Hay Chicago is a great thing. I was going to pose myself but my loyal toady staffers talked me out of it by explaining to me that because of my blog I am already world famous in Rogers Park and the centerfold would make me even more famous. I might get killed by some crazy stalker fan. Now I am thinking about posing anonymously by sitting astride my crotch rocket with my helmet on. No one will ever guess who I am but they'll be impressed with my big crotch rocket; almost as much as the ladies of Rogers Park are impressed with me as a real man neighborhood blogger.
Parody Blogs Popping Up All Over
It seems that there's yet one more bad parody blog (http://www.morosehellhole.blogspot.com/) in the neighborhood. This one puports to be written by one "Tom Westgard" and is clearly meant to parody (and is maybe even written by) my rival blogger and archenemy Tomblogger Eastgard.
For those of you who are new to my blogs let me tell you a bit about TB Eastgard (or "Eastie" as some people call him). He wants people to think he's a store front lawyer but in reality he works about as much as me and my new best friend Tomblogger Womannis do. Back in the day, before I totally banned him, "Eastie" used to get on my other blog and write nasty comments about how my blog was overly sensational and how I made the neighborhood out to be worse than it really is. Later he went and deleted all his comments from my blog because he realized he was wrong and I was right.
"Eastie" is a nasty jealous person. He was campaign chair for Aldermanic Candidate James Ginderske. Under Eastie's leadership the campaign was going nowhere even though I was hard at work blogging about what a skank rival candidate Don Gordon's daughter is and my good friend Jostle_Lynn was sending sneering notes to wannabe candidate Chris Adams while I mocked him for failing to respond to her insults. It was time for me to step in and save Ginderske's floundering campaign.
As publisher of Hay Chicago magazine I was in a good position to help "Ol Blue Eyes". He likes people to think of him as a macho man union electrician. He had pictures of himself on his campaign website in his work gear and pictures of himself with his shirt off. I told him, why not converge these facets of your campaign and pose for the centerfold of Hay Chicago magazine wearing nothing but your work boots, hard hat and tool belt. I told him Hay Chicago has a big readership in Rogers Park and they'd be certain to snatch up an issue of "Ol Blue Eyes" showing off his hairy chest and a few other attributes too.
Well "Eastie" threw a total fit. He was so jealous that I came up with this great idea that he told me he'd never comment on my blog again and that he was going to get his official campaign videographer and blogger, my then archenemy and current best friend Tomblogger Womannis, to blog about me. Despite the dire nature of these threats I didn't back down because I never back down when I'm fighting the powers of Rogers Park and trying to get plenty of attention for myself.
After that I blogged and blogged about how bad my former dog sitter James "Ol Blue Eyes" Ginderske is. I totally destroyed his campaign. I reluctantly blogged for the Father of the Skank Daughter but it was too late for even me to save his floundering campaign and Joe NoMooreFoieGras won yet another term which makes my very happy as you'll all have to read my blog for another four years to find out how bad he is and what a hell hole you live in.
For those of you who are new to my blogs let me tell you a bit about TB Eastgard (or "Eastie" as some people call him). He wants people to think he's a store front lawyer but in reality he works about as much as me and my new best friend Tomblogger Womannis do. Back in the day, before I totally banned him, "Eastie" used to get on my other blog and write nasty comments about how my blog was overly sensational and how I made the neighborhood out to be worse than it really is. Later he went and deleted all his comments from my blog because he realized he was wrong and I was right.
"Eastie" is a nasty jealous person. He was campaign chair for Aldermanic Candidate James Ginderske. Under Eastie's leadership the campaign was going nowhere even though I was hard at work blogging about what a skank rival candidate Don Gordon's daughter is and my good friend Jostle_Lynn was sending sneering notes to wannabe candidate Chris Adams while I mocked him for failing to respond to her insults. It was time for me to step in and save Ginderske's floundering campaign.
As publisher of Hay Chicago magazine I was in a good position to help "Ol Blue Eyes". He likes people to think of him as a macho man union electrician. He had pictures of himself on his campaign website in his work gear and pictures of himself with his shirt off. I told him, why not converge these facets of your campaign and pose for the centerfold of Hay Chicago magazine wearing nothing but your work boots, hard hat and tool belt. I told him Hay Chicago has a big readership in Rogers Park and they'd be certain to snatch up an issue of "Ol Blue Eyes" showing off his hairy chest and a few other attributes too.
Well "Eastie" threw a total fit. He was so jealous that I came up with this great idea that he told me he'd never comment on my blog again and that he was going to get his official campaign videographer and blogger, my then archenemy and current best friend Tomblogger Womannis, to blog about me. Despite the dire nature of these threats I didn't back down because I never back down when I'm fighting the powers of Rogers Park and trying to get plenty of attention for myself.
After that I blogged and blogged about how bad my former dog sitter James "Ol Blue Eyes" Ginderske is. I totally destroyed his campaign. I reluctantly blogged for the Father of the Skank Daughter but it was too late for even me to save his floundering campaign and Joe NoMooreFoieGras won yet another term which makes my very happy as you'll all have to read my blog for another four years to find out how bad he is and what a hell hole you live in.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Fake Blogger Reports Fake News
No sooner had my new best friend Tomblogger Womannis blogged on this blog than some wannabe satirist pops up using the name "Tom Mannis" [http://rogersparkbench.blogspot.com/]. It's easy to tell that this blog is a fake. There's a story [http://rogersparkbench.blogspot.com/2007/09/rpgg-fundraiser-success.html] about the Rogers Park Garden Group having a plant sale in front of the shops at "Jarvis Square". It is easy to tell this story is bogus nonsense.
First of all, "Tom Mannis" put up some forged photos showing people who don't look anything like the hordes of gangbangers, crack ho's and other ne’er-do-wells which we all know constitute pretty much the entire population of Rogers Park shopping for plants in front some attractive store fronts the likes of which we know don't exist in the Hell Hole.
Second, any story about this Rogers Park Garden Group having a plant sale is obviously a lie. Why would anyone in Rogers Park buy plants? Currently the only garden plants in Rogers Park are marijuana, crack and the plastic flowers in the planters around the Morse Avenue El Station. My friend Jostle_Lynn used to have a lovely garden but she was recently possessed by a demon and tore up her yard to build an alter dedicated to Satan.
This "news" story on the fake blog looks all nice and uninformed readers reading it might get the erroneous notion that Rogers Park is not the worst slum in Chicago, unlike what I say on my blog every day. Furthermore, although my rival blogger and archenemy Tomblogger Eastgard claims that the RPGG is nothing but a front for former aldermanic candidate Don Gordon the Broken Liver has investigated this shadowy group and found that they once accepted a donation from Joe NoMooreFoieGras proving themselves to be nothing more than another party involved in the constant corruption that is politics in Rogers Park.
Remember, you read it first here on the Broken Liver
First of all, "Tom Mannis" put up some forged photos showing people who don't look anything like the hordes of gangbangers, crack ho's and other ne’er-do-wells which we all know constitute pretty much the entire population of Rogers Park shopping for plants in front some attractive store fronts the likes of which we know don't exist in the Hell Hole.
Second, any story about this Rogers Park Garden Group having a plant sale is obviously a lie. Why would anyone in Rogers Park buy plants? Currently the only garden plants in Rogers Park are marijuana, crack and the plastic flowers in the planters around the Morse Avenue El Station. My friend Jostle_Lynn used to have a lovely garden but she was recently possessed by a demon and tore up her yard to build an alter dedicated to Satan.
This "news" story on the fake blog looks all nice and uninformed readers reading it might get the erroneous notion that Rogers Park is not the worst slum in Chicago, unlike what I say on my blog every day. Furthermore, although my rival blogger and archenemy Tomblogger Eastgard claims that the RPGG is nothing but a front for former aldermanic candidate Don Gordon the Broken Liver has investigated this shadowy group and found that they once accepted a donation from Joe NoMooreFoieGras proving themselves to be nothing more than another party involved in the constant corruption that is politics in Rogers Park.
Remember, you read it first here on the Broken Liver
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