Neighborhood Bloggers To Sponsor Community Children's Movie Night

If you read my other blog as you should you will know about Alderman NoMooreFoieGras's totally lame movie night. I told people not to go because there will be lots of screaming hyper-active children who's all been fed poisonous amounts of sugar by our aldercreature. I told people to instead go oh and awe over my nephew's performance at the winter skate event which I organized. The usual flock of bleating sheep who read and comment on my blog showed up to give Patrick and me the appropriate worshipful gaze.

After the skate event got to talking over a few drinks at the Oasis and decided that we Rogers Park bloggers should sponsor a community children's movie night. We'd do a much better job of organizing a movie night than Joe NoMooreFoieGras and rather than encouraging the bastard children of Alderman Povertypimp's voters to run wild we'd teach them to act like the civilized human beings that we are. Now before we can schedule the movie night and pick a location we have to decide which movie we are going to show. This prompted lots of spirited discussion.

Shrill Morton wants to show "Tron" because he says its the greatest computer movie ever made. He watches it at least once a week and learned how to do his job from it. Tomblogger Womannis immediately dissed that idea. He said that very few of the hoodlets are going to work for Jonny Quest Network Services and spend their days teaching people how to turn on their computers and read our blogs.

Tomblogger wants to show the Reagan era hit "Red Dawn. This movie is about how the Soviet Union invades the United States only to be driven out by a band of heroic children. Womannis says that even the stupid children of Rogers Park can't fail to see the analogy. Children (our movie audience) rise up and overthrow their dictatorial communist oppressors (Joe NoMooreFoieGras, David FAGus, Katie Hogan, Michael James, James Ginderske).

Perky Sandy Duncan, author of the 24/7 Howardwatchers Blog says that the nasty children of the neighborhood need to be taught a lesson in proper behavior. She advocates showing a movie on etiquette. While the movie is showing Sandy Duncan will march around the room shaking her finger, tut-tutting and generally looking disgusted and displeased. That will show the nasty little hoodlets.

My number one fan Jostle_Lynn wants to use the movie night as a chance to promote gardening. She has a four hour long film of the azaleas in her garden waving in the summer breeze. She thinks it would be a great idea for the children to sit their looking enviously at the beauty of her yard while sitting straight up in their hard folding chairs with their hands folded politely on their laps and their feet flat on the floor.

I haven't decided which idea we will go with but they are all pretty good. The children are going to love them. Stay tuned to the blogs for more information on this upcoming exciting event.

Blognotes: Don't worry. I am a responsible uncle. I didn't take Patrick into the Oasis. He waited for us in the car. We were in the Oasis for at least four hours and not a word of complaint out of the kid. He sat quietly waiting for us the entire time. Think what your typical Rogers Park kid would have done in that time. You don't find quality kids like Patrick here in Rogers Park.

You Haven't Heard The Last Of Me Amy Carlton!

Amy Carlton thinks she's so clever. She uses her rabidly anti-Catholic Rubber Nun blog to attack me for calling her a idiot by writing a long post which tells the true story of how some election judges tried to suppress her vote, and those of others, with some fake "magic ink". She tells about how she first followed the judge's instructions to see if her suspicions were unfounded. She tells how she talked to other voters and got their names. She tells how she called the Board of Elections and the news media. She thinks she is some sort of hero because she got the ball rolling on bringing this vote suppression attempt to a halt. A few Joe NoMooreFoieGras lovers are commenting on her anti-Catholic blog telling her how great she is and how terrible I am for calling her a idiot. Amy Carlton is feeling pretty smug right now. Well get over it Amy. You haven't beaten me yet.

Do you think that any of my thousands and thousands of loyal blog readers care about the facts of your voting attempt? Do you think they're angry with me for belittling you? If the answer is yes then you truly are the biggest idiot in the world. Uber-loyal toadies like STINKJAR, Tomblogger Womannis, Pamola, Polar Coast, Sandy Duncan, Phughy, Shrill Morton and, of course, my number one fan Jostle_Lynn read my blog and worship me for exactly those
reasons. They love that I never let the facts get in the way of a good attack. They love that I live to make snide comments and highly personal attacks on my neighbors. That is why my many, many fans read my blog. Yes, sometimes they try and claim they read it because I cover neighborhood stories that no other news source does but if that were the case my credibility and readership would have evaporated years ago. No, people read my blog not to get facts but to see me beat up on losers like you.

You see Amy, the Rogers Park blogosphere is just like junior high school. I am the big jock stud. Jostle_Lynn is the head cheerleader. You are the ugly, unpopular girl that everyone makes fun of. We don't care that you're smarter than us because we can more your life hell!

Blognotes: Anonymous coward "Paradise" -- you are exactly right. The reason Jostle_Lynn wants your name is so she can harass you. Once she gets your name and your picture it is going on the internet with plenty of derisive comments. Notice that Jostle_Lynn is pretty selective about what she gets bent out of shape over? Anonymous Joe NoMooreFoieGras lovers like you give her a conniption but if you were to deride Rogers Park she would stridently defend your right to anonymity claiming that you need to protect yourself from the Alderman and his cronies.

Shrill Morton Is Smart

Shrill Morton, Rogers Park's answer to Steve Jobs, is wondering if the destruction of the Adelphi Theater has contributed to an increase in crime in the neighborhood. You should listen to what Shrill is saying. He's a pretty on top of it guy. Crimes have been committed in Rogers Park. The fact that crimes have been committed in Rogers Park means that crime rates are going up. Let's say that in 2005 six people were murdered in Rogers Park. In 2006 four people were murdered. That means the murder rate is ten. If two people were murdered in 2007 then the crime rate has soared to 12. The empty Adelphi theater was torn down and all these crimes were committed after it was torn down so its destruction has contributed to an increase in crime in Rogers Park.

If you really want to see Shrill in action call up his employer, Johnny Quest Network Services. They're a local business that is struggling like all business in Rogers Park. They operate out of a messy storefront on Sheridan Road. Their service is showing neighborhood residents how to turn on their computers and read my blogs. Shrill will come to your house and show you how to turn on your computer if he's not busy taking pictures of poo and graffiti for his blog.

Grammar Lessons For Stupid People Of Rogers Park

Rogers Park is a neighborhood full of idiots. Joe NoMooreFoieGras is the alderman. His ward is home to a military hating lawyer. We're home to Amy Carlton. She's the country's stupidist voter because she called me a drunk and the "Morse Asshole" after she admitted that an election judge told her that a pen contained invisible ink. You all need an education and I am going to give it to you. We are going to start with English grammar because it's a basic skill and I am an expert on it being a world famous journalist and the publisher of Hey Chicago magazine.

I am going to show you some examples of my brilliant writing from my other blog (which would be studied along with Shakespeare in the schools of Rogers Park if Joe NoMooreFoieGras was doing his job right).

If you want to insult someone say "You are a idiot!" This is correct English grammar. If any of the stupid teachers in the schools of Rogers Park tell you it's not you let me know so we neighborhood bloggers can insult them on our blogs.

It is important to use complete sentences. An example of a complete sentence is "A functioning brain.". This is something Amy Carlton doesn't have but I do. I am brilliant which is why the herd of bleating sheep who read my blogs are always praising me on my blogs.

There you have your English lesson for the day. It's way better than anything you will learn in the schools of Rogers Park. I hope you learned something. If you want to learn more read this blog and my other blog every day.

Heather Steans Illegal Campaign Tactics Acceptable For Right Thinking Bloggers

The recent flap over State Senate candidate, Heather Steans, illegal placement of propaganda signs on the public park ways has created confusion among some of the more stupid residents of Rogers Park. I am going to educate you on right and wrong. A few cowardly idiots have written to the Broken Liver to tell me that what Heather Steans (aka Joe NoMooreFoieGras's chamber maid) is no different in principle than what I do when I paste flyers for my blogs on neighborhood light poles and mail boxes. A few dorks have tried to tell me that this is defacement of public property and is not only illegal but bad. You are wrong!

By telling all of you what a horrific slum you live in with my hysterical, sensationalistic blogs I perform a valuable public service. That makes me exempt from the law. Heather Steans does not. She has been endorsed by Joe NoMooreFoieGras and is there for evil and anything she does is not a public service. Therefore she must obey the law. How simple is that? If you don't understand this principle you must not be reading the neighborhood blogs closely enough.

The same principle applies to poo on the public parkways. Tomblogger Eastgard doesn't clean up the shit from his vicious pit bull and that is flat out wrong but when Shrill Morton took a massive dump on Joe NoMooreFoieGras's front steps and then photographed it as his entry in an art show that is totally admirable. The formula is simple. Eastgard Bad. NoMooreFoieGras Bad. Shrill Morton Good. Me THE BEST!!!!

60 Degrees And Where Are The Lifeguards?

It's 60 degrees this January morning and me and my BFF, Tomblogger Womannis, want to know why there are no lifeguards on the beaches of Rogers Park. Where are they Joe? People might want to enjoy the warm weather with a refreshing swim and there's no one around to stop them. You're not doing your job Joe. You're the Alderman of the 49th WARD. See the word WARD -- that's the same word used to describe children being taken care of by a guardian. See Joe -- we in Rogers Park are just like children and it's your job to take care of us.

Sleazy Purveyor Of Gay Pornography Finds Social Respectability

Yes, I am talking about myself. You all know me as Rogers Park's most intelligent, influential, respected and widely read blogger but in Conservative American until a few days ago I was nothing but the publisher of that notorious advertising vehicle for prostitutes, Hey Chicago magazine, and as a vendor of gay pornography. I would have remained that way had local ambulance chaser Jay Grodner not keyed the shinny black BMW of heroic marine Sergeant Mike McNulty but he did. It seems Fat Ambulance Chaser Jay Grodner lacks proper appreciation for the heroism of our brave men in uniform. Insults were exchanged, police were called, complaints were made and court dates were set. This all would have been the minor matter of a street side dust up had Hero Sergeant McNulty not seen fit to do what he did which is go to the blogs.

Sergeant McNulty, one of our great American Heros, who hasn't managed to defeat the Taliban, find any of Iraq's purported weapons of mass destruction or capture Osama Bin Forgotten but who has bashed plenty of Hadjis and Dune Coons and struck heroic poses for the Fox News cameras ran whinning to the right wing blogs who were quick to spread his story. As soon as I got word of this I was hard at work on my other blog. I was telling everyone what a scum bag ambulance chaser Jay Grodner was. I was insinuating that it was Alderman NoMooreFoieGras's opposition to the invasion of Iraq that moved Jay Grodner to key Hero Sergeant McNulty's car. I was busy posting Jay Grodner's nudie pics and Internet sex ad (next time solicit for sex on the back pages of Hey Chicago magazine -- I promise I will keep it quiet). I was busy telling all my loyal toadies that the Alderman is responsible for everything that goes on in his ward. I've got no idea who Fat Naked Ambulance Chaser voted for in the last election or even if he voted at all but can you imagine people like Jostle_Lynn, Stinkjar or ProArtillary giving a shit? They never question anything I have to say. Anyway, I am being perfectly reasonable. One of our Anti-war Alderman's constituents damages a military man's vehicle. Jay Grodner, living in a ward under the control of Joe NoMooreFoieGras, a known anti-military politician, defaces a military mans vehicle. Is this what all military personal can expect when venturing into Joe NoMooreFoieGras country? Has Joe NoMooreFoieGras created a hate in Rogers Park towards military personal? You can be sure he has.

Anyway, the upshot of this is FreeRepublic.com (a bastion of hate directed at the sexual orientation of the readers of my Hey Chicago magazine) and assorted right wing blogs have picked up on my blog and I am famous and adored. After years of being bashed for running a business that caters to the sexual tastes of homosexuals I've got respect I deserve.

Sergeant McNulty -- you are a true American hero. If you want to strike a really heroic pose I would be happy to photograph you wearing nothing but your dog tags and USMC tattoos for the centerfold of my Hey Chicago magazine. It's a fabulous chance to be featured in the most widely read alternative lifestyles magazine in Rogers Park. How can you resist?