Heather Steans Illegal Campaign Tactics Acceptable For Right Thinking Bloggers

The recent flap over State Senate candidate, Heather Steans, illegal placement of propaganda signs on the public park ways has created confusion among some of the more stupid residents of Rogers Park. I am going to educate you on right and wrong. A few cowardly idiots have written to the Broken Liver to tell me that what Heather Steans (aka Joe NoMooreFoieGras's chamber maid) is no different in principle than what I do when I paste flyers for my blogs on neighborhood light poles and mail boxes. A few dorks have tried to tell me that this is defacement of public property and is not only illegal but bad. You are wrong!

By telling all of you what a horrific slum you live in with my hysterical, sensationalistic blogs I perform a valuable public service. That makes me exempt from the law. Heather Steans does not. She has been endorsed by Joe NoMooreFoieGras and is there for evil and anything she does is not a public service. Therefore she must obey the law. How simple is that? If you don't understand this principle you must not be reading the neighborhood blogs closely enough.

The same principle applies to poo on the public parkways. Tomblogger Eastgard doesn't clean up the shit from his vicious pit bull and that is flat out wrong but when Shrill Morton took a massive dump on Joe NoMooreFoieGras's front steps and then photographed it as his entry in an art show that is totally admirable. The formula is simple. Eastgard Bad. NoMooreFoieGras Bad. Shrill Morton Good. Me THE BEST!!!!

60 Degrees And Where Are The Lifeguards?

It's 60 degrees this January morning and me and my BFF, Tomblogger Womannis, want to know why there are no lifeguards on the beaches of Rogers Park. Where are they Joe? People might want to enjoy the warm weather with a refreshing swim and there's no one around to stop them. You're not doing your job Joe. You're the Alderman of the 49th WARD. See the word WARD -- that's the same word used to describe children being taken care of by a guardian. See Joe -- we in Rogers Park are just like children and it's your job to take care of us.

Sleazy Purveyor Of Gay Pornography Finds Social Respectability

Yes, I am talking about myself. You all know me as Rogers Park's most intelligent, influential, respected and widely read blogger but in Conservative American until a few days ago I was nothing but the publisher of that notorious advertising vehicle for prostitutes, Hey Chicago magazine, and as a vendor of gay pornography. I would have remained that way had local ambulance chaser Jay Grodner not keyed the shinny black BMW of heroic marine Sergeant Mike McNulty but he did. It seems Fat Ambulance Chaser Jay Grodner lacks proper appreciation for the heroism of our brave men in uniform. Insults were exchanged, police were called, complaints were made and court dates were set. This all would have been the minor matter of a street side dust up had Hero Sergeant McNulty not seen fit to do what he did which is go to the blogs.

Sergeant McNulty, one of our great American Heros, who hasn't managed to defeat the Taliban, find any of Iraq's purported weapons of mass destruction or capture Osama Bin Forgotten but who has bashed plenty of Hadjis and Dune Coons and struck heroic poses for the Fox News cameras ran whinning to the right wing blogs who were quick to spread his story. As soon as I got word of this I was hard at work on my other blog. I was telling everyone what a scum bag ambulance chaser Jay Grodner was. I was insinuating that it was Alderman NoMooreFoieGras's opposition to the invasion of Iraq that moved Jay Grodner to key Hero Sergeant McNulty's car. I was busy posting Jay Grodner's nudie pics and Internet sex ad (next time solicit for sex on the back pages of Hey Chicago magazine -- I promise I will keep it quiet). I was busy telling all my loyal toadies that the Alderman is responsible for everything that goes on in his ward. I've got no idea who Fat Naked Ambulance Chaser voted for in the last election or even if he voted at all but can you imagine people like Jostle_Lynn, Stinkjar or ProArtillary giving a shit? They never question anything I have to say. Anyway, I am being perfectly reasonable. One of our Anti-war Alderman's constituents damages a military man's vehicle. Jay Grodner, living in a ward under the control of Joe NoMooreFoieGras, a known anti-military politician, defaces a military mans vehicle. Is this what all military personal can expect when venturing into Joe NoMooreFoieGras country? Has Joe NoMooreFoieGras created a hate in Rogers Park towards military personal? You can be sure he has.

Anyway, the upshot of this is FreeRepublic.com (a bastion of hate directed at the sexual orientation of the readers of my Hey Chicago magazine) and assorted right wing blogs have picked up on my blog and I am famous and adored. After years of being bashed for running a business that caters to the sexual tastes of homosexuals I've got respect I deserve.

Sergeant McNulty -- you are a true American hero. If you want to strike a really heroic pose I would be happy to photograph you wearing nothing but your dog tags and USMC tattoos for the centerfold of my Hey Chicago magazine. It's a fabulous chance to be featured in the most widely read alternative lifestyles magazine in Rogers Park. How can you resist?