Sadly in recent days the neighborhood blogs have been plagued by retarded idiots who have forgotten what reading the blogs is all about. I've been the victim of cruel and unfair criticism. When attacked I fight back. But, I am a very public spirited individual. I like to do positive things for the community. One positive thing I can do is educate the mental defectives in Rogers Park as to what reading the blogs is all about. I spend at least an hour of my day making up stories for my blog as a service to you and you need to show me some gratitude. You need to kiss my ass.
In that spirit I have created the Golden Toady Award which will be given to the blog reader who best exemplifies what being a blog reader is all about.
I know that you are thinking that the winner of this year's award will be none other than the lovely Jostle_Lynn. I don't blame you. She tries to maintain a facade of being a caring and committed neighbor but she laughs and applauds when Womannis and I act like a couple of chimpanzees at the zoo flinging our poo at unsuspecting visitors. If anyone says anything the least bit critical of us she is on them like stink on shit but she never says anything against us no matter how ridiculous we act.
If this is what you are thinking you are wrong. Jostle_Lynn has asked to not be given the award. The modest Jostle_Lynn wants it to go to someone else so that she can serve as the award presenter.
So, the winner of this year's Golden Toady Award is none other than our own STINKJAR. You don't know much about STINKJAR. He's got a blogger profile (unlike some anonymous haters around here) but there's nothing in it. I don't know much about him either but I know what I need to know. STINKJAR weeps when I tell him to weep. He laughs when I tell him to laugh. He agrees with everything I say even when what I said today contradicts what I said yesterday. He's exactly the sort of mindless dummy that a blog reader should be. Best of all, STINKJAR has no understanding of the use of the shift key. His spelling and grammar skills could only have been cultivated in one of Joe NoMooreFoieGras' 49th ward schools. His mastery of the English language makes me look like Virginia Woolf in comparison. Finally, STINKJAR is just a mean and nasty person. Many readers try and pretend they come to my blog looking for community news while secretly laughing along with me at the targets of my mockery and cruelty. STINKJAR would never dream of being such a hypocrite. It's no secret that he's about as nice as Ebola Virus. Congratulations STINKJAR. Your comments are voluminous but your wisdom is vacuous.
The Rogers Park Garden Group is meeting at 7:00 pm at Charmers Cafe. Jostle_Lynn plans to commandeer the meeting to present the Golden Toady Award to STINKJAR whether the attendees want to listen or not. So, if you're there (and you better be) listen respectfully and applaud enthusiastically. Me and Womannis will be monitoring behavior for any signs of disrespect and you know what happens to people who cross us.
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4 comments:
Bah.
I've been forced to flee all those other Rogers Park blogs. None of them will take me in.
Could be worse. I could be lumped into the same boat as Eastgard.
Wait. Oh.... shit!
OH HAI! YOUR BLOG SMEELS OF ROTTEN GOOSE LIVER - OR IS THAT MY PANTS?
Hey Fletch -- BITE ME! What's this shit about you being in the same boat as Eastgard? I think your just another alias for Eastgard.
And if you don't think that a blog can influence an election you need to pull your head out of your ass. Where were you about a year ago for the aldermanic elections? Joe NoMooreFoieGras was being challenged by three very qualified, viable candidates. Of course I leaped into the fray mocking one challenger and then another. My faithful herd of bleating sheep followed in lockstep mindlessly agreeing with whatever I had to say as I ripped about the challengers, making them look totally ineffectual. In the end I made a farce out of the election and the the 49th Ward got another four years of Joe NoMooreFoieGras. So, if you don't think that a blog can influence an election you don't know what you're talking about.
Come on in - the water feels fine.
Don't bang your head on the toilet seat on your way in.
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