Rogers Park's Leading Blogger Leads Neighbors In Battle Against Soo Liquors South

I'm a little upset with Shrill Morton. You see last night was another one of Joe NoMooreFoieGras' infomercials. This time it was held at the Lake Shore School and it was for the owner of the 7-11 on Pratt Avenue to advertise the new Soo Liquors South that he's going to open up in his store. Some people hate Soo Liquors on Morse Avenue because of the smelly bums who loiter out in front. I hate them because they refused to give me a volume buyer discount. Anyway, Alderman Joey stated that he "wouldn't allow Soo Liquors South to open unless there was significant community support." If that doesn't sound like he's strongly in favor and in bed with 7-11 I don't know what does.

The meeting began with Joey's goon squad (which included Katy Hogan, Kelvin O'Neil and Jim Ginderske) swaggering into the room with Joey, looking all tough and menacing in black uniforms with truncheons in hand. A couple of people tried to speak out against the proposal and were quickly dragged from the auditorium. We don't know what happened to them but we could clearly hear screams of agony. My rival blogger and archenemy, Tomblogger Eastgard, stood up to give his usual typically wussy statement saying that if we're going to have Soo Liquors South could they at least provide a bar of complimentary soap with each purchase so that the loitering bums won't smell so bad. Joey laughed him out of the room and prepared to pull out his trusty rubber stamp. It was high time that I took control.

I leaped from my seat, unfazed by the goon squad. I took to the stage to deliver an impassioned speech on liberty, integrity and the joys of a Soo Liquors South free Rogers Park. I was on fire. The previously cowed crowd took their spirit from me and were on their feet shouting "NO MORE NOMOOREFOIEGRAS!" Jostle_Lynn whipped off the trench coat she had been wearing to reveal her old high school cheerleader outfit on underneath. She shook her pom poms while yelling "Give me a B! Give me an R! Give me an A!"... Tomblogger Womannis was yelling that the real name of the owner of the 7-11 is Abu Dunecoon and his store is nothing but a front for al Qaeda. White with fear, Joey, his goon squad and the hapless 7-11 owner fled into the night. Once again I save Rogers Park from Joey's evil designs.

Now why am I upset with Shrill Morton? When he should have been using that camera of his to capture one of the greatest of my many great moments he was in the men's room taking pictures of the urinal cakes. Way to go Shrill!