Rogers Park's Leading Blogger Leads Neighbors In Battle Against Soo Liquors South

I'm a little upset with Shrill Morton. You see last night was another one of Joe NoMooreFoieGras' infomercials. This time it was held at the Lake Shore School and it was for the owner of the 7-11 on Pratt Avenue to advertise the new Soo Liquors South that he's going to open up in his store. Some people hate Soo Liquors on Morse Avenue because of the smelly bums who loiter out in front. I hate them because they refused to give me a volume buyer discount. Anyway, Alderman Joey stated that he "wouldn't allow Soo Liquors South to open unless there was significant community support." If that doesn't sound like he's strongly in favor and in bed with 7-11 I don't know what does.

The meeting began with Joey's goon squad (which included Katy Hogan, Kelvin O'Neil and Jim Ginderske) swaggering into the room with Joey, looking all tough and menacing in black uniforms with truncheons in hand. A couple of people tried to speak out against the proposal and were quickly dragged from the auditorium. We don't know what happened to them but we could clearly hear screams of agony. My rival blogger and archenemy, Tomblogger Eastgard, stood up to give his usual typically wussy statement saying that if we're going to have Soo Liquors South could they at least provide a bar of complimentary soap with each purchase so that the loitering bums won't smell so bad. Joey laughed him out of the room and prepared to pull out his trusty rubber stamp. It was high time that I took control.

I leaped from my seat, unfazed by the goon squad. I took to the stage to deliver an impassioned speech on liberty, integrity and the joys of a Soo Liquors South free Rogers Park. I was on fire. The previously cowed crowd took their spirit from me and were on their feet shouting "NO MORE NOMOOREFOIEGRAS!" Jostle_Lynn whipped off the trench coat she had been wearing to reveal her old high school cheerleader outfit on underneath. She shook her pom poms while yelling "Give me a B! Give me an R! Give me an A!"... Tomblogger Womannis was yelling that the real name of the owner of the 7-11 is Abu Dunecoon and his store is nothing but a front for al Qaeda. White with fear, Joey, his goon squad and the hapless 7-11 owner fled into the night. Once again I save Rogers Park from Joey's evil designs.

Now why am I upset with Shrill Morton? When he should have been using that camera of his to capture one of the greatest of my many great moments he was in the men's room taking pictures of the urinal cakes. Way to go Shrill!

Stick It To Corrupt 49th Ward Alderman -- Boycott Halloween

I spent last night doing some drinking at the Oasis. This is my bar of choice; since that nasty Brattly tossed me out of the Red Line Tap and ever since a knife wielding maniac at Duke's nearly disemboweled me-- causing such massive blood loss and pain that I could barely crawl home to blog about it. I was there with my former archenemy and new best friend, Tomblogger Womannis. Fellow blogger Shrill Morton was there also and he had a few drinks with us before heading into the men's room to take pictures of an unflushed toilet. Womannis and I are such good friends. It's hard to believe that less than a year ago Tomblogger was after me for sticking fliers promoting my blogs into the free newspapers that are distributed in Rogers Park while I was retaliating by sticking Ginderske campaign material into the same newspapers and then accusing Ol' Blue Eyes of stealing advertising.

When I drink with Tomblogger he usually babbles on and on about someone called "Billary" and some "Osama Obama" character and what a brave freedom fighter Ann Coulter is for saying that all the Jews should be perfected by becoming Christians. I don't pay too much attention to him because I don't see what any of this has to do with 49th ward alderman Joe NoMooreFoieGras. Anyway, last night Tomblogger said something that caught my attention.

He was saying how upset he was. Halloween is coming up and every true Republican knows that its a holiday for Satan. I was like "Wait a minute! Satan? Isn't he someone who's involved in Joey's crime and corruption in Rogers Park? Didn't Joe NoMooreFoieGras allow this Satan guy to work some of his evil in Rogers Park in exchange for a couple of tickets to an Ozzy Osbourne concert?" Womannis assured me that Phughy researched this carefully and it is true. Together we hatched a plan.

Instead of having Halloween we're going to have Blogoween for the children of Rogers Park. We're going to stick it to Joey by sticking it to his crony, Satan. Instead of a haunted house Tomblogger is going to turn his apartment into a "Hell House" that will scare the children by showing them what will happen to them if they learn about the Theory of Evolution in school, read Harry Potter books or vote for Joe NoMooreFoieGras. Then, instead of trick or treating the kiddies will get to go door to door passing out fliers for my blogs. Finally, this fun filled evening will conclude at Jonny Quest Network Services where Shrill Morton will have our guests bob for old computer parts and photos of Rogers Park's graffiti splattered buildings. If you don't think that this is the funnest evening ever you must be a NoMooreFoieGras voter.

Remember, on October 31st boycott Joe NoMooreFoieGras' favorite holiday of Halloween and instead celebrate Blogoween.