Rogers Park Will Soon Be Rid Of Michael James And His Band Of Smelly Hippies

Hey All! It’s Tomblogger Womannis blogging from the crime ridden, liberal infested hell hole that is Rogers Park where I live thanks to affirmative action which prevents me from getting the high paying job which I deserve and that will allow me to move to a gated suburban community with my fellow Republicans.

It’s Sunday morning and all true Americans are at their suburban mega-churches. None of the liberals in Rogers Park are in church. They’re still in bed having dreams about Billery Clinton and Osama bin Laden. I’m not in church because I’m what the Republicans call an “Incomplete Christian”. That means that when the Rapture comes and Jesus exterminates all the Bush hating, Osama Obama worshipping liberals most of my relatives and religious brethren in Israel will die except for 144,000 of us who will save our sorry butts by becoming good Republican Christians just like President Bush. We aren’t supposed to do this till the Rapture comes so that leaves me free to blog away on my new best friend’s blog.

Braig said that I could write whatever I want as long as I don’t talk about how the pervert readers of his Hay Chicago magazine are all going to a Republican free hell (he wants their money) and as long as I let that smelly old hippy Michael James know that he’s in big trouble for kicking Braig out of his Red Line Tap last night. Michael James and all the other hippies on Rogers Park are in big trouble. As soon as I was off the phone with Braig I was on the phone with my good friend General B. Trayus. He’s the leader of American forces in Iraq and served under General Tommy Franks, the greatest military commander in all of human history except maybe Ollie North and George Bush himself.

As soon as General B. Trayus heard about the crime ridden hell hole or Rogers Park, infested as it is with liberals, hippies, socialists, communists and maybe even Muslims he was ready to get our Brave Young Men and Women out of Iraq where everything is nice and peaceful just like you see on the Fox News Network and over here to clean out Rogers Park. He promised me that they will do just as good of job as they did with capturing Osama bin Laden and securing Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction.

Hear that Michael James! Your days are numbered.

Any day now amphibious assault craft filled with the brave young Republicans of the U.S. Military will be storming the beaches of Rogers Park to join forces with the Tom Banannas and his Rogers Park Liberation Army and put an end to the reign of Michael James and his smelly hippies. When this is all over our great President Bush will stuff a sock in the crotch of his flight suit and land on an air craft carrier in Lake Michigan so all the soldiers and sailors and marines can get all worked up over his he man studliness and so that Billery Clinton and Osama Obama will know their days are numbered too.

Signed,

Tomblogger Womannis

Michael James Persecutes Community Leader

It’s early on a Saturday night but I’m back home and revenge blogging already.

Usually I spend my evenings at the Red Line Tap telling that obnoxious Brattly about good music. For the benefit of those of you who just found out about my important blogs from the flyers I left on your cars and in the neighborhood newspaper boxes let me tell you about Brattly and the Red Line Tap.

Brattly is an obnoxious twit who used to post on my blogs until I banned him for being an obnoxious twit and maybe even a Joe NoMooreFoieGras supporter. When he’s not being obnoxious on my blogs he books “talent” for the Red Line Tap. This establishment is next to the infamous hippie hideaway; the Heartland Café. They have live music there almost every night. Brattly thinks he’s hot stuff because he thinks the bands they have are the latest and greatest. They have folk music. They have punk music. They have a bluegrass band appearing every week called “Sexfist”. What sort of band would call themselves “Sexfist”? It sounds more like a service you’d see advertised in the back pages of my Hay Chicago magazine.

Tonight when I was in the Red Line Tap I cornered Brattly. I tried to do so earlier in the week but I didn’t see him. He was probably hiding in the overflowing rat infested dumpsters that my new best friend and rival blogger Tomblogger Womannis is always blogging about. Well, I told Brattly that his taste in music is responsible for Rogers Park being a hell hole. I told him if he booked real bands like the Greatful Dead and Fleetwood Mac and maybe even Styx (to appeal to the hipster crowd) we’d all be happy. Brattly had the nerve to hell me that first of all, those bands were big stadium acts, not suitable for the Red Line Tap, and if they set up they’d go all the way from the back of the bar out to my Lunt Avenue condo and I would complain about having Stevie Nicks doing cocaine with Jerry Garcia on my kitchen floor. He also claimed that those bands broke up so long ago that I was probably still sober at the time. Brattly also told me that if I didn’t stop annoying all the patrons by telling them what a hell hole Rogers Park is that he’d kick me out.

We here at the Broken Liver are all about freedom of speech so I gave Brattly all the respect due to someone who has to work for a living and went right on telling everyone what a hell hole Rogers Park is whether they wanted to listen to me or not. This is where Michael James comes in.

The ex-hippie owner of the Heartland Café and the Red Line Tap comes in and tells me that if I don’t leave immediately he’s going to get Joe NoMooreFoieGras’s goon squad (otherwise known as the Chicago Police Department) on me. I was so rightfully furious that rather than staying there another second I went home immediately to tell you all about it on my blog.

Michael James – you’re going to regret your actions. Tomorrow there will be special guest postings from my new best friend and leader of the neighborhood Republicans Tomblogger Womannis. He’s going to blog all about you. You’re going to be sorry you ever messed with me.

[60626]

Broken Liver Exclusive: Loyola University Endangers Everyone In Rogers Park

Bright and early on Friday morning I was driving my SUV to the offices of Hay Chicago magazine. I go down there every once in a while to make sure the staff is not stealing from me or working on their blogs on company time. On the way there I saw several things which caused me to realize that Loyola University is endangering the lives of the people of Rogers Park.

I saw a Starbucks (a nasty chain we don’t want here) with Loyola students going in and out. I saw a Chipotle Grill (another nasty chain we don’t want here) with Loyola students going in and out. I saw Loyola’s high rise Granada Center dorm. What does that add up to? Let me tell you.

Loyola students go to the chains and get fat. Then they go to their classes where they might get Cs and even Fs – ruining their chances of getting into good medical schools or MBA programs that will allow them to get high paying jobs that will permit them to not have to live next to me here in the Hell Hole. They get real depressed and try to kill them selves by jumping out of the windows of their high rise dorm.

Imagine it. These fat projectiles leaping from the windows and landing on us as we walk or drive by the Granada Center. We could easily be killed by fat falling students and Loyola University doesn’t care. The Broken Liver demands that Loyola give nothing but As so that their students will have no reason to jump from dorm windows.

I tried taking pictures of the Granada Center as I drove by but all I got was the ceiling of my SUV so I won’t post them here. Remember, you read it first on the Broken Liver.

[60626]

Private Message To Jostle_Lynn

I'm going to need your help today so I hope you're no longer under the control of whatever evil spirit was forcing you to exclaim how much you hate me.

I discovered a true horror here in the hell hole that is Rogers Park. Loyola University is endangering the lives and well being of everyone who is unfortunate to have to live here and I have pictures to prove it. I discovered it while driving to the offices of Hay Chicago magazine and have pictures to prove it!

Now my enemies are going to say that taking pictures while driving is even more dangerous than what Loyola University is doing but I know I can count on you to defend me and point out that I am performing a public service with my blog and therefore anything I do is acceptable no matter whose life I put at risk. Get ready to blog honey! I am going to need you.

Stay tuned to the Broken Liver for an important story on how Loyola University is putting all of our lives at risk.

Who I Am

I just realized who I am like . I'm like Jesus! Yes, it is true. Jesus came down from heaven to save the sinners in this wicked, wicked world. I bought a condominium in Rogers Park which is a total hell hole. All my neighbors are prostitutes, crackheads, gang bangers, supporters of Joe NoMooreFoieGras and nasty people who supported Don Gordon back when I was still calling him "The Other Guy" and telling everyone what a nasty skank his daughter is. You may wonder why I live in such an awful place. Well let me tell you why. Jesus came down to earth to save the sinners. I have come down to Rogers Park to save you. Feel free to sing my praises, celebrate my birthday and create great works of art which glorify me.

No More Blogs! You Hear Me!

Rogers Park is the bloggiest neighborhood on the planet and as the original Rogers Park blogger I frequently get asked if we need any more blogs and the answer is a resounding NO! You hear me! No More Blogs! This blog and my other blog are all you need to tell you what is going on in Rogers Park and the world.

Some people say that I have no credibility and that I'm just a neighborhood crackpot. They point out how I fought to keep Cafe Suron and the Morseland from opening and how years ago I claimed that the Dominicks at Gateway Plaza would close. Well, the Dominicks is still open and Cafe Suron and Morseland are still causing problems in the neighborhood although only my loyal readers will agree with me on that.

But loyal readers I have many of. One of my most loyal readers is Jostle_Lynn. She lives in a house right off of the Albion Hell Hole. She has her own blog (which I permit) where she talks about "renovating" the house. She makes it sound pretty nice but she knows that her house is really located in Baghdad West (or is it East?). She spends way more time on my blog than on hers. She knows who the better blogger is. Anyway, she complains about ads and garbage and posters and stuff stuck all over the mail boxes and light posts in Rogers Park but when people try and complain that flyers for the Broken Liver are the same sort of nuisance she lets them know that I am performing a valuable public service by advertising my blog which the other crap does not. One time I rode my crotch rocket through the Sullivan High school yard just when classes were getting out and people complained that I nearly killed some of the little hoodlums that hang out there. Well, it was Jostle_Lynn who let everyone know that I had to get home and blog some more about what a hell hole the area around her house is. I have lots of loyal readers like Jostle_Lynn. The other bloggers are jealous of me.

Anyway, its time for me to head down to the Red Line Tap where I am most nights talking about what a horrid place the Red Line Tap is and letting that nasty Brattly -- the Mooreon who schedules their music acts know that no one in Rogers Park likes the bands they have and telling them they better book the Rolling Stones and Fleetwood Mac and the Greatful Dead or we're going to all move to a neighborhood where we'll be happy.

Local Blogger Under Attack!

Yesterday I wrote about how one brave Rogers Park blogger stood in the middle of one of the worst riots in our country's history to show us how foolish Joe NoMooreFoieGras' police force is. Now, the Moore forces are striking back. Tomblogger2, a "Broken Liver" wannabe and Moore mouthpiece is trying to score points by claiming that our hero made a bogus call to the Chicago Fire Department. (http://www.morosehellhole.blogspot.com/) I can tell you this is not true at all. These so called peaceniks NoMooreFoieGras lovers are about not waging war on Iraq and all about waging war on me. When the call to the fire department was made they were about to march on my home with their flaming torches and set it on fire. Tomblogger1 (or is he Tomblogger2 -- I can't remember) saved me and my neighbors from the mob of peaceniks by calling in the fire department to douse their supposed candles -- which were more like napalm flame throwers. Once again Joe NoMooreFoieGras's evil army is defeated by the blogs.

Brave Rogers Park Blogger

Even with a massive riot tearing up Morse Avenue one of my fellow bloggers braved the rain of bricks, bottles, gun fire and saggy pants to make one of Joe Moore's minions (also known as the Chicago Police Department) look foolish on camera. Its great how everyone here in Rogers Park hates Joe Moore and spends there days and nights make him look foolish. Comments from any Joe Moore lackeys stating that with a riot going on perhaps the police officer had better things to do will be deleted.

Thanks for covering the worst riot in the history of Rogers Park and perhaps the world.

http://rogersparkbench.blogspot.com/

Joe Moore Wages Chemical Warfare Against The Residents Of Rogers Park

For those of you who've been living in a cave or a cardboard box in Loyola Park for the last 20 years Joe NoMoreFoieGras is our fat Foie Gras banning Alderman. Now, no one here in Rogers Park is really sure what Foie Gras is. We've been told its a French delicacy but none of us could find it on the menu when we were at the Paris casino in Vegas. Anyway, don't let the recent election results fool you. Every one here in Rogers Park hates Joe Moore. This is why he's waging chemical warfare against us.

A couple of loyal Broken Liver readers just called me to tell me how they woke up with headaches this morning. They live near the old Lerner Building which corrupt Joe Moore's corrupt pals are tearing down to build something none of us will like. It must be the toxic clouds of asbestos coming from the building as they were fine and healthy when we shared many rounds together at the Red Line Tap last night.

You read it first on Broken Liver. Joe Moore is trying to kill us all so he can turn our home over to his slum lord pals.

Welcome To The Broken Liver Of Rogers Park

My other blog has been so wildly successful. Some of my readers even assure me its the most read blog in the world. That's why I've been forced to create a second blog to keep you informed of what is going on in our neighborhood. I'll have lots of important information about crime, Cheetos Bags, people I don't like, how Joe Moore is waging chemical warfare against the residents of Rogers Park, how terrible businesses I don't like are and everything else that's bad about the neighborhood. So make sure you read the Broken Liver every day and maybe every hour and feel free to post lots of comments which I will delete if I don't agree with them or if they are insulting me in the same way that I insult people that I don't like.

Braig