I spent last night doing some drinking at the Oasis. This is my bar of choice; since that nasty Brattly tossed me out of the Red Line Tap and ever since a knife wielding maniac at Duke's nearly disemboweled me-- causing such massive blood loss and pain that I could barely crawl home to blog about it. I was there with my former archenemy and new best friend, Tomblogger Womannis. Fellow blogger Shrill Morton was there also and he had a few drinks with us before heading into the men's room to take pictures of an unflushed toilet. Womannis and I are such good friends. It's hard to believe that less than a year ago Tomblogger was after me for sticking fliers promoting my blogs into the free newspapers that are distributed in Rogers Park while I was retaliating by sticking Ginderske campaign material into the same newspapers and then accusing Ol' Blue Eyes of stealing advertising.
When I drink with Tomblogger he usually babbles on and on about someone called "Billary" and some "Osama Obama" character and what a brave freedom fighter Ann Coulter is for saying that all the Jews should be perfected by becoming Christians. I don't pay too much attention to him because I don't see what any of this has to do with 49th ward alderman Joe NoMooreFoieGras. Anyway, last night Tomblogger said something that caught my attention.
He was saying how upset he was. Halloween is coming up and every true Republican knows that its a holiday for Satan. I was like "Wait a minute! Satan? Isn't he someone who's involved in Joey's crime and corruption in Rogers Park? Didn't Joe NoMooreFoieGras allow this Satan guy to work some of his evil in Rogers Park in exchange for a couple of tickets to an Ozzy Osbourne concert?" Womannis assured me that Phughy researched this carefully and it is true. Together we hatched a plan.
Instead of having Halloween we're going to have Blogoween for the children of Rogers Park. We're going to stick it to Joey by sticking it to his crony, Satan. Instead of a haunted house Tomblogger is going to turn his apartment into a "Hell House" that will scare the children by showing them what will happen to them if they learn about the Theory of Evolution in school, read Harry Potter books or vote for Joe NoMooreFoieGras. Then, instead of trick or treating the kiddies will get to go door to door passing out fliers for my blogs. Finally, this fun filled evening will conclude at Jonny Quest Network Services where Shrill Morton will have our guests bob for old computer parts and photos of Rogers Park's graffiti splattered buildings. If you don't think that this is the funnest evening ever you must be a NoMooreFoieGras voter.
Remember, on October 31st boycott Joe NoMooreFoieGras' favorite holiday of Halloween and instead celebrate Blogoween.
3 comments:
Shut up Braig. You are an obnoxious fool. In the encyclopidia your picture is under duffus.
I think you need to have an enemia as you are so backed up you are about to explode.
Too bad you don't have a matched pair of nipples. If you did you could have Jostle_Lynn on one tit and Tom Womaniss on the other.
Drink is good. Lots of it. Its better than any drug you can buy on the streets.
Your blog is so stupid.
Toto -- you're the most flea bitten hound in Rogers Park and that's really saying something. You have more fleas than my dog Coco and I haven't had time to bathe her since 1999 when Joe NoMooreFoieGras's neglect of his ward forced me to start obsessing about him day and night. I don't know any "Tom Womaniss". I know a Tomblogger Womannis. Where did I say drink is not good? I'm in the Oasis every night telling the patrons how bad Rogers Park is. And you spelled "duffus" wrong. I think its spelled t-o-t-o.
You watch it you mutt. If you don't start contributing to the solving the problems of this community in a meaningful by by posting lots of comments about what a lying sack of shit Joe NoMooreFoisGras is, what a hellhole Rogers Park is and how wonderful I am you'll find yourself banned. I don't need you. My blogs have lots of readers. Even more than my Hay Chicago magazine.
Thanks for reading!
Braig, You should be down on your hands and knees licking the floor after Joe Moore walks past. I'd love to see Womaniss get that on video. Especially if you are wearing that black rubber S&M costume you love so much. We flim people taking turns whipping your butt into hamburger.
Just try and delete this!
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