Joe NoMooreFoieGras's neglect of his ward is forcing residents to beg for money. Rogers Park residents have been seen lurking around Chicago's bustling commercial districts asking for spare change, hoping to accumulate sufficient funds to move out of the Hell Hole. Well, we Rogers Park bloggers are smarter than the average citizen and we've found new ways to beg for money.
If you're a regular reader of my other blog you're going to be familiar with uber-loyal fan Polar Coast, aka Laura Looserzader. Polar Coast is supposed to have a job but instead of working she spends her work days on my blog posting lengthy comments which I like getting because it gives my blog some credibility. I also like her because she hates Rogers Park as much as I do. She spends lots of time talking about how it is her dream to save enough money to move to the paradise that is Mary Ann Smith's ward of Edgewater.
Some people, like that nasty mutt Toto, might be tempted to post comments saying that Laura should stop reading my blog and get back to work if she wants to earn enough money to move to a decent neighborhood. Well, you suck Toto. It is the duty of each and every resident of Rogers Park to read my blogs every day and to post lots of comments on my blogs telling me how great I am. Laura (aka Polar Coast) is faithfully executing her duty.
But Laura is a smart cookie and has found a way to earn the money for that long dreamed about move to Edgewater. Like the rest of the residents of Rogers Park she is panhandling but she has taken her begging high tech. Like everyone who is anyone in Rogers Park, she has a blog. She hasn't posted anything in months (why should she? Anything worth reading is written by me) but she has put up a request for donations to move to Edgewater. Visit Polar Coast's blog and help get her the hell out of here http://thenorthcoast.blogspot.com/.
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10 comments:
Holy shit - I never noticed that. I like how it combines the naiveté of begging with the savvy of industry lingo "downstroke." The guys on Morse usually need to catch the bus or call their mom. I can't wait for the request to help them work toward the "downstroke on their condo." What would Ayn Rand have to say about that?
Well "twestgard" (aka Tomblogger Eastgard) thank you for showing how ignorant and stupid you are. My bff Tomblogger Womannis tells me that Ayn Rand would say that you have a right to ask someone to give you money but if they do so without giving you a good or service of equivalent or greater value then you are a fool. But who cares what Ayn Rand would say. Did her blog get as many hits a day as mine? In think not
And Polar Coast (aka Laura Looserzader) would say that those Joe NoMooreFoieGras voting bums on Morse Avenue should be locked in prison until they get jobs, become respectable citizens and start using their blogs to beg for money like she does.
Just who are you calling nasty Braig? Just because I can lick my own balls and you can't?
I think you're jealous. Hey, I was going to make you a Christmas present. I've just finished a wreath made out of plastic half pint bottles I've gathered from the parkway in front of your house. I know you won't recycle your empties.
This was a warm inspiring gift, but now I think I'll save it as a wedding present for Jostle_Lynn.
Of course, I have a whole string of craft projects I'm working on. Just the other day Martha Stewart was showing everyone how to make delightful holiday ornaments from simple everyday items found in dumpsters all over the city.
I've got for Tom Westgard stained glass ornaments made from broken beer bottles. I've made matching napkin rings from dried weeds taken from untended lots near the metra station for Phughy and Toni. Shrill Morton's getting a replica of the Adelphi Theatre made out of dried out bread taken from the dumpster behind the Hartland Cafe and a half eaten jar of peanut butter I found in the alley. I'm covering it with some moldy cranberry sauce that's been sitting at the back of my refrigerator since Thanksgiving. I hope he likes it. Paradise, she's getting a pretty bracelet made out of hypo-dermic needles and elastic hose. But I'm saving the best for last. For Tom Banannis I've made a replica American Eagle from pidgeon carcasses I've gathered from under the Morse el-stop. The likeness is stunning.
So Braig, don't count on any gifties from me this year.
Jealous of you because you can lick your balls and I can't? Not a chance in hell. Why do I need to lick my balls when everyone in Rogers Park is kissing my ass?
Braig:
Who'd want to kiss your pimply ass? Someone could get sick from the oozing puss that leaks from cheek to cheek. I hear you need to wear adult diapers just to keep people from thinking you're wetting your pants.
Hey, try wiping your ass with the pages of that un-wholesome magazine of yours.
Speaking of unwholesome magazines, didn't you mean "oozing pus?" Craig might have both, I suppose.
You did it Toto! You just got yourself cut from the guest list for Jostle_Lynn's wedding. While we're all enjoying the Rogers Park social event of the year you'll be out in the cold. Enjoy your miserable evening.
Hey Westgard. Go play spelling bee with Banannis. Who cares?
Yeah well only an idiot would invite blog buddies to their wedding. Jostle_Lynn is so hopeless that she needs any friends she can get to show up her wedding because no one in her family wants to be there.
I hope you can fit the bridesmaid dress she's picked out for you. And make sure you shave your armpits Braig.
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