Congratulations to my new BFF, Tomblogger Womannis who was a true hero this weekend.
My archenemy and rival blogger, loser divorced store front ambulance chaser Tomblogger Eastgard, thought we neighborhood bloggers would be a little less vigilant this weekend. He thought that we would all be away this weekend enjoying the Jostle_Lynn's wedding. He didn't count on Womannis.
I knew that "Eastie" would try and pull some shit this weekend so I dispatched my former worst enemy and new best friend to tail The Miserable Storefront Lawyer. Womannis was ultra-vigilant. He skipped Jostle_Lynn's wedding and instead kept after "Eastie" night and day. He followed him to the supermarket and recorded the contents in his shopping basket. He spied through Eastgard's windows. We now know that "Eastie" has hemorrhoids (he was seen purchasing Preparation H), is on the small size in the manhood department, and pees in the shower. Womannis even slept in the snow like a bum in front of Eastgard's doorway. Well, his dedication paid off. On Saturday morning Womannis caught "Eastie" letting his vicious pit bull take a dump on the parkway and not clean it up. He's even got pictures to prove it and posted them on his blog. I now have them on my other blog and you can see them there.
Now, some of you may be inclined to ask a few stupid questions. You may say "How does this prove 'Eastie' didn't pick up the pit bull poo? I see a picture of a defecating pit bull but it doesn't prove that it's owner didn't scoop the poop." You might ask something really idiotic like "I see poop on the parkway so someone is not cleaning up but how do I know it came from Tomblogger's pit bull?" Well, you idiots need to read and learn.
We Rogers Park Rage Bloggers are people of unimpeachable dedication and integrity. Last fall when a riot was tearing up Morse Avenue Womannis ventured into the frey to make one of Joe NoMooreFoieGras's goon squad (aka the Chicago Police Department) look foolish on camera. A couple of months ago when an email which was critical of us local bloggers and which claimed authorship of a fifth rate parody blog arrived in the inboxes of the local bloggers from one "Kelvin O" Womannis immediately "knew" that the message was from none other than Joey's stooge Kelvin O'Neil and quickly published the location and phone number of Kelvin's office so that his readers could harass Kelvin at work. If Womannis says "Eastie" didn't pick up the poop then he didn't pick up the poop.
Tomblogger Eastgard is a crazy psychopath who stalks us bloggers night and day. He reads our blogs at least 40 times an hour. He has no less than 1,536 blogs of his own all of which are dedicated to our activities. What a loser. This man needs to get a life and a pooper scooper.
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2 comments:
Should I now be accused of "poop baiting?" I find it interesting that there is a particular kind of fish that bites at poop bait. However, starting with the assumption that someone, somewhere would be enticed by a steaming pile of animal feces, I guess I'm not surprised that it would be Craig.
You just watch out "twestgard" (aka Tomblogger Eastgard). Your IP address has been recorded and is being investigated. We here at the Broken Liver will soon know who you are. And BTW, that Preparation H you were seen buying -- Well you might want to think about getting some window shades (like you could reall afford them) because he's got photos of you using the Preparation H. How'd you like your little boy to see those pictures in the internet?
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