If you don't believe that Joe NoMooreFoieGras is the worst Alderman on the Chicago city council read this email I received from Jostle_Lynn.
Braig,
I am so mad I could just spit. Yesterday I was telling Steve that its high time we move out of the hellhole that is Rogers Park. I want to move to a big McMansion in Naperville or a nice townhouse in Lincoln Park. I dream of being a soccer mom driving my Suburban Utility Vehicle with my cell phone in one hand and my Starbucks in the other hand. Steve, who is engaged in what he does best -- sitting in front of ESPN wearing nothing but his boxers, barely pays me any attention. When I finally get a response out of him he tells me that we can't afford to move out of the hell hole. He said that maybe when I was at the office I should spend more time working and less time writing comments for your blogs. He said if I actually did some real work we might be able to afford to move.
Well! I let him have it. I told Steve that I will absolutely not have sex with him until we move to Naperville or Lincoln Park and he buys me a new SUV and a new cell phone and a gift card for Starbucks. Steve grunted and scratched himself. I went to bed wearing socks, sweats and a mud pack. I'll show him!
Jostle_Lynn
There you have it. If Joe NoMooreFoieGras wasn't responsible for Rogers Park being the worst slum on earth Steve and Jostle_Lynn would be all happy lovey dovey in their two flat located just off the hell hole.
Blognotes: My former archenemy and new BFF, Tomblogger Womannis, informs me that he ran into Steve today. Steve asked him about inflatable girlfriends. I'm sure Tomblogger gave him some good advice.
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8 comments:
Hey, I skipped out of work on Friday and took lots of new pictures of chip bags in the neighborhood.
I have no life at all and what little I do have, I waste it taking totally boring pictures and posting it on my blog which no one reads.
Shut up Shrill Morton.
I don't think that Jostle_lynne is interested in Naperville.
oh my god, I just saw a microscopic piece of lint flying in the air. Call EPA, IEPA, the chamber, Don Gordon, JoMo, my mother. It must be the laundry mats pouring their lint out on the streets. I am moving with Jostle, can't take the lint crimes running amuck in RP.
Ouch damn it, another fairy hit a drunk on Lunt.
Braig: deadly rumor out there did you know JoMo is in cahoots with all the hollywood stars and rock musicians. He's bigger then Oprah.. Even though I never ask Joe a question or speak with him I KNOW THE TRUTH that he gets hundreds of free tickets from even Mick Jagger, dang. I'd rather not have any facts on this subject, so please dont provide any.
BTW Braig, saw JoMo at a function last week, all those letters you say you write Braig, they seem to never get them from you, so you totally making up your letters? I smell a G.N.O.M.E, gotta run.
G.N.O.M.E Global Nexis of Mayhem Everywhere
Ha, ha. We had seats at the concert in front of Joe. We are connected.
Jostle_Lynn, don't go to NAPERVILLE! It will be like entering Dante's Circle of Hell.
Don't you know that Naperville is code for Evil Nappers. They will turn you into a zombie, and you will sleep through life out there in the wilderness.
If you are unhappy with Steve, we can put you up in our fabulous highrise condo in Edgewater. We have a doorman that shoos away all inconvenient people who don't count. We will get you a nice Polish cleaning lady to do all the housework so you can save your tender hands for gardening.
We will get you a Hummer to drive. That way you can just crush anything that's unpleasant in your way. We have found a way to secretly de-activate all the red light cams going up all over Edgewater.
Please Jostle_Lynn, become our Garden Gnome Queen. We will take you out of the hell hole any day. We can also order a hit on Steve.
By the way, we've finished re-programming Don Gordon and have released him back into the wild.
News Star
In a recovery police can only call amazing, former 49th ward aldermanic candidate Don Gordon was found this afternoon wandering in a disoriented manner around a Cook County Forest Preserve picnic area near Des Plaines.
Gordon was taken to an undisclosed medical center for evaluation. Police describe his condition as curious. "He kept mumbling about little men in pointy red hats," said a representative of the Cook County Forest Preserve Police who declined to elaborate.
In an offical statement issued to the press, the police said Gordon was found wandering in his undershorts and tee shirt, with a necklace of late fall flowers around his neck by a group of school children on a field trip to see the fall leaves in the forest preserve.
Gordon wanted to lead the school children in nature songs and show them how to dance around a campfire, but a quick witted teacher's aide called 911 when she noticed his suspicious behaviour and odd dress.
"You see all sorts of queer folks out here," said one parent acting a chaperone on the field trip.
Gordon disappeared from his Rogers Park neighborhood 10 days ago after telling his family he wanted to run down to Morse Avenue to buy a bottle of wine for the family's dinner. 24th District was put on alert when Gordon failed to return home at a reasonable hour. Police lost Gordon's trail when they chose to conduct a house to house search instead of following a suspicious trail of human excrement that was left up and down Morse Ave. and documented by local blog-o-pher Shrill Morton.
Police originally suspected former hippies Katie Hogan and Michael James of kidnapping Gordon.
"You know once a hippy, always a hippy," neighborhood blog-reporter Tom Womannis stated. "I have unconfirmed reports that they were members of SDS, Students for Democratic Society and may have had a hand in campus bombings in while they were babysitting for Joe Moore's family in the 1960s. I also hear they were regulars at Peter, Paul and Mary concerts for many, many years, and that in my mind is enough to convict anybody."
The 24th district police admited Gordon's disappearance may coincide with a re-emergence of the notorious terrorist organization G.N.O.M.E. (Global Nexis of Mayhem Everywhere).
The police would not discuss whether they have hired an outside consultant, Dorothy Parker 007, to aid them in their investigation.
We here at "The Broken Liver" are sort of happy Don is free but we still want to know how Joe NoMooreFoieGras is involved. What did Joey do? Why are people being abducted on the streets of Rogers Park?
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