No sooner had my new best friend Tomblogger Womannis blogged on this blog than some wannabe satirist pops up using the name "Tom Mannis" [http://rogersparkbench.blogspot.com/]. It's easy to tell that this blog is a fake. There's a story [http://rogersparkbench.blogspot.com/2007/09/rpgg-fundraiser-success.html] about the Rogers Park Garden Group having a plant sale in front of the shops at "Jarvis Square". It is easy to tell this story is bogus nonsense.
First of all, "Tom Mannis" put up some forged photos showing people who don't look anything like the hordes of gangbangers, crack ho's and other ne’er-do-wells which we all know constitute pretty much the entire population of Rogers Park shopping for plants in front some attractive store fronts the likes of which we know don't exist in the Hell Hole.
Second, any story about this Rogers Park Garden Group having a plant sale is obviously a lie. Why would anyone in Rogers Park buy plants? Currently the only garden plants in Rogers Park are marijuana, crack and the plastic flowers in the planters around the Morse Avenue El Station. My friend Jostle_Lynn used to have a lovely garden but she was recently possessed by a demon and tore up her yard to build an alter dedicated to Satan.
This "news" story on the fake blog looks all nice and uninformed readers reading it might get the erroneous notion that Rogers Park is not the worst slum in Chicago, unlike what I say on my blog every day. Furthermore, although my rival blogger and archenemy Tomblogger Eastgard claims that the RPGG is nothing but a front for former aldermanic candidate Don Gordon the Broken Liver has investigated this shadowy group and found that they once accepted a donation from Joe NoMooreFoieGras proving themselves to be nothing more than another party involved in the constant corruption that is politics in Rogers Park.
Remember, you read it first here on the Broken Liver
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5 comments:
Shhhhhhh.. can you keep a secret? The RPGG is a cover group for the Rogers Park Garden Co-op, in turn a front for the People's Weed Cooperative of Rogers Park which is funded by the Liberal Dervish Party of the Fertile Crescent. We have agents in place to infiltrate them even now. It won't be long before these evil-do-gooders land on the Terrorist Watch List so steer clear. Remember, you didn't read it here.
I waste most of my day seeking out strange news stories to support my outrageous right-wing idology. And since I can't stand anyone blogging on my blog who might have a different opionion I make sure I lock down the comments section. That way I can boast my blog is so influential because I'm sure everyone agrees with me.
But here's a chilling news story I have to share with you. It will chill you to the bones with fright.
I just found out that the RPGG is a front for Al-Qaeda's latest terrorist plot on American soil. How do I know? I have it on sound authority from one of my most reliable sources for news and information:
From the Weekly News of the World:
Tiny Terrorists Disguised As Garden Gnomes
Tiny, bearded terrorists from the Middle East are infiltrating the United States -- disguised as garden gnomes.
"These guys are typical Al Qaeda operatives," says a top CIA source, "with beards down to their belt buckles and a burning hatred for all things American.
"But they are tiny and are being shipped into this country disguised as garden gnomes. A suicide gnome may be small, but he can still strap on a lot of explosives,"
"Leadership in garden clubs across the country are being infiltrated," said the CIA source. "These sleeper cells are waiting to plant the gnomes under innocent tomato plants and in rock gardens and ... BOOM!."
"Shrapnel from an exploding gnome can cause injury to eyes and exposed body parts," warned the source, "People are advised to avoid contact with any little men wearing cone shaped red hats and goofy smiles on their faces."
Tom, your news and information is so newsy and informative. Not like Braig. His so called exclusives, like on that Loyola bus, are so stupid.
I too am concerned about the possibility of Al Qaeda infiltrating our precious garden club. And I'm so glad you are willing to take the risk of being a victim of retaliation by this vicious pack of gnomes.
As if our alderman Joe Moore cares about our well-being. If Joe Moore really wanted to show his constituents he cared, he'd have his son Nathan and every officer in our district out on the streets with great big nets trying to capture them.
The word from the RPGG Plant Sale is that demon possesed Jostle_Lynn made an appearance. According to her blog she was there to show that we Rogers Park bloggers do something for the community besides sitting in our tighty whities and beaters at our computers ranting and raving about how bad the neighborhood is. According to the Broken Liver's reliable field reporter the real purpose of Jostle_Lynn's visit was to disrupt the event. Word is that she barked loudly and urinated on a boston fern. Some people claim it was her pet dachshund. Others insist it was Jostle_Lynn.
You don't get to be the most read blog in Rogers Park by refusing to believe the worst about people so you know which truth I am going with.
Banannis, you are toast. Now that you have blown our cover, the Global Nexis Of Mayhem Everywhere aka G.N.O.M.E. will be watching every move you make.
There's no need for you to take pictures of Westgard's illegally parked truck. We're not hiding under his truck anymore. We have Rogers Park surrounded.
Your plea for more life-guards is hopeless. We are in control of the park district. Thousands of our minions come to shore every day. We no longer need the cover of darkness.
The police have been co-opted by our leadership. They will arrest any citizen at our command and hold them for us as enemy combatants for as long as we deem necessary.
Cameras and other weapons are useless against us. The revolution is already happening and we are doing it without you.
All the unserved fois gras has been collected. It is being sold to children everyday in playlots and school yards. Illegal Mexican food vendors are being used as our distribution agents.
Our operatives are everywhere. We are waiting for our proud leader George to give our order to attack. Until then you had better watch your back.
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