Parody blogger "Thomas Westgard" slipped and showed his true identity today. No sooner than I posted a story guessing that this wannabe wit is actually my rival blogger and archenemy Tomblogger Eastgard than "Thomas Westgard" is there commenting with some incoherent rant about inconsistencies and changing loyalties. What a twit!
About three years ago "Eastie" approached me with a request that I let him be the centerfold of the month in my Hay Chicago magazine. I don't imagine that there are many Hay Chicago readers who'd be interested in seeing a nerdy looking lawyer standing there without his briefs but it seemed like a good act of neighborly charity to let him have a chance to feel like a he man top model stud so I said yes. He comes back to me a few days later with his "contract". The damn thing is 120,394 pages of single spaced, 10 pt lawyerese. If I had tried to read the thing I'd still be reading it today and wouldn't have been able to blog about all these important stories with which I have horrified you all these years.
If "Eastie" wants to show off his bod he can do it by putting a picture of himself shirtless, shoveling sand in Loyola Park on that blog of "Thomas Westgard". You won't be seeing him at Hay Chicago or the "Broken Liver" anytime soon.
Being a centerfold in Hay Chicago is a great thing. I was going to pose myself but my loyal toady staffers talked me out of it by explaining to me that because of my blog I am already world famous in Rogers Park and the centerfold would make me even more famous. I might get killed by some crazy stalker fan. Now I am thinking about posing anonymously by sitting astride my crotch rocket with my helmet on. No one will ever guess who I am but they'll be impressed with my big crotch rocket; almost as much as the ladies of Rogers Park are impressed with me as a real man neighborhood blogger.
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The Global Nexis Of Mayhem Everywhere [G.N.O.M.E.] has taken over this blog site.
Do not try to switch to another blogsite until we have time to read your IP address and catalogue it. All bloggers identified as enemy combatents will be added to our compost heap.
We have destroyed one building on Morse already and have isolated a number of other nearby properties that will be liquidated soon.
Wait and watch.
Wait - that was for a nude photo shoot?
See This Joe! See This! We went to your idiotic "Rogers Park Community Forum To Discuss The Gnome Problem" and you assured us that the gnome population was down. Well it isn't. You told us gnomes eat only foie gras and if we banned it they'd starve. You lied Joe! You lied! Look at this! Look at this! Gnomes are everywhere! We're Hurting Joe! We're Hurting! What are you going to do about it Joe! What! What!
Yes Tommy Westgard (aka Tomblogger Eastgard). You wanted to do a nude shot. Don't get all coy with me and act like you don't remember. Frankly, I don't see why anyone would want to look at the naked body of some nerdy looking store front lawyer when they can look at studly crotchocross racer like me.
I would like to ask Jostle_lynn some questions and let her know how I feel.I wouldn't comment on this blog but she won't take my comments on hers and I don't want to be accused of harrasment by attempting e-mails.
I guess that this would be labeled as 'venting'(and probably bad form-yet I feel that I haven't any other recourse).
I picked up that venting term,among others,from you in the early 1990's: 1)venting 2)dynamic and 3)closure. So this is my attempt at closure.
One of the last times that I ran into Jocelyn was in March of 2000 on the lakefront beach in Rogers Park, where dog walkers congregate to commiserate-besides that corrugated metal jutting out on the lake. I was staying at Hilda's Place-an Evanston shelter-and my Grandmother had just passed so I was tired,mourning,anxious and I had decided to walk to a lakefront spot to enjoy a warmer day and get some air.I chose a specific spot that I used to walk around when I resided in RP as an art student years earlier.
I noticed several people gathered at a concrete marker just north from where the Heartland refreshment stand is now standing.
Someone kept looking over at me and I took note ,then went back to my activity.Minutes later I looked up and there you were. We talked,I informed you about my present status and then you did something unexpected:You pointed out the building where you lived. I knew that you had moved from Irving near Damen but why would you point out your then current residence when you weren't taking my phone calls several years earlier?
I didn't understand that which made me more anxious. If you were telling others that I was stalking you,as I've long suspected,then why point out your residence? Was that an attempted set up?
I was smitten by you from the moment I saw you that Tuesday evening at the fieldhouse in August 1991. I don't trust "love at first sight"-due to its fantastic beginnings and abusive endings-yet it has worked as a lifetime partnership for some couples.
You and Steve seem to have a solid relationship and your getting married(congratulations).You have done some remarkable things with your projects and your life and I'm in awe(and a little jealous?)
Yet I could have gone on blissfully unaware of yours if,in part,I hadn't ran into your boyfriend(unbeknowst to me at the time) Steve at the Contemporary art fair(which I've been attending since 1998 or '99) at the Merch. Mart in '06. I got to the city behind schedule on an unseasonably warm day and after parking I had to march through moving crowds of protesting Mexicans and corner clusters of the CPD to get to Utrecht's for some pigments and then get to the Art/Antique show to meet with a friend(I had done some paintings for his booth six months earlier at a DIFFA event) and his business partner to say thanks for the pass.When I got to the floor I was perspiring and immediately went to the bathroom to freshen up.On the way out of the john I stopped at the mirror near the door to attempt covering my hairline recessions and there's this taller blonde guy standing beside me with a probing look in his eyes.Eventually I asked him: Do I know you? and he said something like no or cleared his throat,turned his back to me and exited. I thought that he was looking for a pick-up or something(I get that a lot due to my build and height).
Jocelyn-I can only surmise that on my way into the bathroom I must have passed one or the both of you without noticing.If you were in attendance then did you have him follow me in there to determine if I was stalking you? As I'm certain that you've told so many others?
Part of your charm at age 23 was your openess,your duality of casualness and rigidity exemplified,for example,when you held your arms by your sides while you laughed about something.
As an aside I'm not a fan of thanksgiving celebrations-I observe the meaning but the food and ceremony leave me yawning(mid week? c'mon)still the most eventful one that I had was with your family and friends at your mothers in 1992.She lived on Newgard then which is where you were staying hence one of the reasons for this bloghandle because I am an admirer. I've felt that you have always had a prescient ability for trendsetting and style and "life aproaches".Especially when we met because I was living in a small studio on Morse and under one hudred fifty pounds-my cockroach roomeates didn'y mind it so much though-and life was desperate. Still I continue to appreciate your attitude towards life and I don't have to apologize or feel bad for doing that -I don't care how weird that seems to some people.Fuck them.
Hey Jocelyn or Jostle_lynn or Lady J I'll leave you and your life and your blog alone from now on but if by some oddball chance our paths cross in a public forum again either say hello or don't approach me with Steve at all- believe me,chances are 100% that I didn't arrive to follow you two.
I will also add that,in part, my experience with you was impetus to reflect on ralationships,commitment,how I perceive women and how I am perceived.What is selfish for me and what isn't and how do I survive with this-in a way I'm chained to myself -my personality just like anybody else.None of this "men brutalize women" mantra applied to derail anothers' logic.
Have a nice winter.
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