Rogers Park Bloggers And Blog Readers To Band Together In Defense Against Vicious Gnomes

You've read their mocking taunts in the comments section of this blog. You've read my report on Joe NoMooreFoieGras' totally ineffective response to this major crisis. You know Rogers Park is under siege by packs of vicious gnomes. Forget graffiti. Forget poo in the Morse Avenue El Station. Forget double parked drivers in front of JB Albertos. This is the worst crisis Rogers Park has ever faced. But don't worry. We're going to handle it.

We Rogers Park bloggers have been accused of being content to sit at home posting complaints to our blogs, demanding that elected officials fix those problems whether or not they actually have jurisdiction over those problems, and refusing to try and become one of those elected officials but not this time.

I live next door to the nearly empty Ryder Building which looks like prime territory for a gnome lair. I could be out running around the block with my camera, taking pictures and scaring the gnomes away but that would leave me with no time to blog and we all now how important it is that I do so. Se here's what were going to do.

We're going to form a human chain around the Ryder Building that will keep the gnomes out. My neighbors should be doing this but 99% of them don't care. They treat me like I'm some sort of crack pot because I am constantly telling them the neighborhood is a hell hole and they should move out but when they try and sell I chase after their buyers telling them the neighborhood is a hell hole and they'd be stupid to buy here. My neighbors blame me because they can't sell. I just tell the truth.

So, all my loyal blog readers are going to be the human chain -- 24 hours a day, seven days a week until the Joe NoMooreFoieGras gets off his fat lazy ass and does something about the gnome invasion. My loyal reader Polar Coast will be in charge of getting things organized.

Polar Coast loves me even though I once gave out her real name, address, grade school transcript and the size of her grandmother's panties all because she had the audacity to support aldermanic candidate Don Gordon before I said it was all right to do so. She has her own blog but she hasn't posted anything there in a long time. Her last posting dates all the way back to the time when Ol Blue Eyes Ginderske was my dog sitter. Instead she's on my blog all the time and usually during the work day. She complains about how unaffordable housing is and how she wants to move out of the Hell Hole. I could point out that if she was blogging less and working more she might earn enough to leave this gnome infested dump but I don't want to deprive anyone of the pleasure of reading my blog so I keep quiet.

Anyway, you all listen for instructions from Polar Coast and you keep those nasty gnomes out of the Ryder Building so my important blogging is not disturbed.

And remember, you read it first here on the Broken Liver.