Fellow blogger and Rogers Park's answer to Steve Jobs, Billy Boy More-a-ton has been blogging away telling everyone who reads his Trillion Words blog that the pairs of shoes we see dangling from power lines all over Rogers Park indicate that a crack house is near by. This might be an urban legend. It might be true. Crack houses in Rogers Park are as common as hysterical, sensationalistic blogs so if there are dangling shoes its a safe bet a crack house is close by.
Billy Boy has pictures of a pair of shoes hanging above the intersection of Glenwood and Touhy and a pair of shoes hanging on Jarvis, just east of Clark. Sorry Billy Boy but these shoes weren't tossed by crack dealers.
The shoes at Glenwood and Touhy were tossed yesterday morning by none other than myself and my former archenemy and new BFF, Tomblogger Womannis. We went to the beach yesterday morning where we found my rival blogger and archenemy, Tomblogger Eastgard shoveling sand. We kicked sand in his face and stole his shoes. Womannis and I had a good laugh about that as we shared a 40 ounce in front of the Morse Avenue El stop.
The shoes above Jarvis are an even better story. Back in May myself, Womannis and Boxing SheWoman were coming around the corner when who do we see? None other than little Nathan NoMooreFoieGras. The son of our worthless lying alderman was out campaigning for his daddy. Me and Womannis held him down while Boxing SheWoman pummeled him good. Then, we took his shoes and tossed them on the power line. Little Nathan ran crying back to Daddy Alderman's house on Fargo. Poor poor Nathan. Most children in Rogers Park don't have shoes . The only ones that do are gangbangers and hoodlets. Nathan is now back safe and sound at mommy's house in Evanston. We taught him good.
When Nathan got back to his daddy's house I wonder if Joey told him "Crime is down. Crime is down". Those shoes look pretty new and fresh considering they've been dangling all summer. They must be good quality shoes. I wonder how much Joe NoMooreFoieGras had to steal to pay for them?
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I bought three pairs of shoes yesterday. Jimmy Choos. They're gorgeious. I think if everyone wears pretty shoes, they'd feel so much better about themselves.
I ran into Tom Banannis the other day. Whoooeeee. Those flip flops he wears. Oh God. And can you say, he needs a shave? I'm not talking about his face. Its his hairy toes. Just looking at his feet and seeing those little black hairs sprouting on top of big toes made me want to hurl. If the hair was any longer you could put it into corn rows.
Tommy, the ladies where I get my pedicures done would be happy to help you. In the back room they do bikini waxes. I'm sure they'd be happy to wax your toes. And if you need your bikini area done, they do an awesome Brazillian.
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