Don't forget! Today is a good day to show your rejection of our alderman, Joe NoMooreFoieGras and replace Halloween with Blogoween. I blogged about this great new holiday in an earlier post ( http://albionhellhole.blogspot.com/2007/10/stick-it-to-corrupt-49th-ward-alderman.html ). Rogers Park's leading Republican, Tomblogger Womannis has been spending all of the daylight hours starring in horrified fascination at the pornographic drawings of our own Jostle_Lynn that are on display in Katy Hogan's No Exit Cafe but he assures me that his "Hell House" (showing children what happens to godless sinners who read Harry Potter novels, study evolution in school or vote for Joe NoMooreFoieGras) will be ready for this evening's festivities.
In addition to the fun activities that I described in my original announcement there will be a costume contest. Children are encouraged to dress as their favorite neighborhood blogger. Come dressed as me, Tomblogger Womannis, Jostle_Lynn, Sandy Duncan, Phughy, Shrill Morton or ME! I'm serving as the fair and impartial judge so guess which costume will win?
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Alderman's Stooge Turns Down Generous Offer Of Assistance
Katy Hogan, owner of the Red Line Tap, Heartland Cafe and No Exit Cafe and stooge of 49th Ward Alderman Joe NoMooreFoieGras turned down a generous offer to help improve Rogers Park. Hogan recently created moral outrage throughout Rogers Park when she brazenly displayed obscene drawings of nude woman in the windows of her No Exit Cafe. Prominent Republican and local blogger, Tomblogger Womannis offered his generous assistance in bringing this window display into accordance with the high moral standards we try to uphold here in Rogers Park. You see, when John Ashcroft moved into the Justice Department and discovered some nude female statues (presumably left over from the Clinton Administration) he called on Tomblogger Womannis to drape the statues in appropriately modest coverings. Tomblogger offered to perform the same service at the No Exit Cafe. Katy declined by saying "and I suppose next you'll want me to start wearing a burkha?" In your case Katy, that's not a bad idea.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Chicago Sun Times Interviews Rogers Park Bloggers
(Part 2 of 3)
Here's the continuation of when I enlightened ace Sun Times reporter, Ditzy McTrixie, as to the horrid conditions we live in here in Rogers Park.
My first question for the four bloggers gathered at Cafe Ennui is why they live in Rogers Park? After all, while not everyone can live in Lincoln Park Chicago does have the more democratic, working class neighborhoods of Lakeview, the South Loop, Wicker Park and Bucktown. Why not move? Why live in a neighborhood where you are so miserable?
Braig was the first to speak (a condition of my interviewing the four is that Braig would always have the first and last words). "Well Ditzy. I live here because I am a public spirited sort of guy. My parents left me a nice trust fun. I can afford to live anywhere I want but I live in Rogers Park because people here need me. I moved up here a few years ago to tell the people who live here what a hell hole their neighborhood is. If it wasn't for me they'd never know that. There was this old community forum, Forum 49, and I was on there night and day shouting down everyone and anyone and fighting the good fight against new businesses that wanted to be an asset to the community like Cafe Suron and the Morseland. Then I decided to start my own blog so my many fans could have the benefit of reading what I have to say without the distraction of the opinions of Joe NoMooreFoieGras's lackeys, who are anyone who disagrees with me. I own Hay Chicago magazine but I don't devote much effort to it. My life is Rogers Park, my blog and telling everyone what a hell hole they live in. That's my mission in life and that is why I am here".
Shrill Morton was more concise. "I live here because its dirt cheap. I can't afford better. I ask my boss at Jonny Quest Network Services for more money but he laughs at me and tells me to stop taking pictures of the lazy city workers at the corner of Sheridan and Chase. He says I'm no better than they are and I should do some work myself before asking for a raise. The guy won't cut me a break. He thinks I should be working all the time. When's a guy supposed to find time to take pictures of graffiti and poo for his "Rogers Park in One Trillion Words" blog? When's a guy supposed to find time to comb his long, flowing tresses other than during the work day? I'd like to live in Lincoln Park right next to you* but not if I have to kiss The Man's ass. I have principles".
Tomblogger Womannis declared that affirmative action is the problem. If it wasn't for these liberals giving all the jobs to unqualified ethnically diverse people he could get the high paying job he deserves and move to a nice gated suburban community with his fellow Republicans. In the mean time he lives in Rogers Park and is proud if it. "Make no mistake, this is a rough, dangerous 'hood. I'd like to see some pussy liberal live here. A liberal wouldn't last 10 seconds here. I've never been a victim of a crime while here. It's not because the danger of Rogers Park is grossly overstated. It's because I am tough, bad ass Conservative and the hoodlets know they better not mess with me"
Finally, Jostle_Lynn spoke and her story almost broke my heart. "Ditzy, I live here because my boyfriend Steve is lazy and worthless. He said we'd live here for a couple of years, fix up this two flat, flip it and use the profits to move to Lincoln Park or Naperville. But that didn't happen. All he does is spend every evening sitting in his boxers in front of the tv scratching himself and watching ESPN when he could be out trying to hustle up some more money. I don't know what to do. I told him I wouldn't have sex with him until he moved me out of Rogers Park but his response was 'Is that a promise?'. Mom and Dad stopped giving me money years ago. One day they said '35 years of financial support is more than enough'. I am so depressed".
I couldn't help but reflect on the good fortune in my life. Mummsy and Popsicle are so generous. A Sun-Times paycheck just doesn't cover all the necessities in life. There's basics like a down payment on a Lincoln Park condo (good girls can't live just anywhere), a new SUV every other year, memberships at the East Bank Club, a thrice daily trips to Starbucks , twice weekly trips to Whole Foods, regular evenings in the Lincoln Park bars and Saturday night slumming in Wicker Park. Someday I'll marry a nice freshly minted partner in a major law firm or a financial services consultant and I won't need them anymore but for now its a great comfort to know that I, unlike poor Jostle_Lynn, come from a caring, loving family.
*Fat chance loser! If some dorky computer geek like you so much as sets foot on my block my boyfriend Chad and all his old frat brothers will kick your ass so fast you'll wish you'd chosen the option of licking the floor of the Jarvis Avenue El station instead.
Check back soon. I'll be posting more of ace reporter DitzyMcTrixie mindlessly scribbling down anything I have to say.
Here's the continuation of when I enlightened ace Sun Times reporter, Ditzy McTrixie, as to the horrid conditions we live in here in Rogers Park.
My first question for the four bloggers gathered at Cafe Ennui is why they live in Rogers Park? After all, while not everyone can live in Lincoln Park Chicago does have the more democratic, working class neighborhoods of Lakeview, the South Loop, Wicker Park and Bucktown. Why not move? Why live in a neighborhood where you are so miserable?
Braig was the first to speak (a condition of my interviewing the four is that Braig would always have the first and last words). "Well Ditzy. I live here because I am a public spirited sort of guy. My parents left me a nice trust fun. I can afford to live anywhere I want but I live in Rogers Park because people here need me. I moved up here a few years ago to tell the people who live here what a hell hole their neighborhood is. If it wasn't for me they'd never know that. There was this old community forum, Forum 49, and I was on there night and day shouting down everyone and anyone and fighting the good fight against new businesses that wanted to be an asset to the community like Cafe Suron and the Morseland. Then I decided to start my own blog so my many fans could have the benefit of reading what I have to say without the distraction of the opinions of Joe NoMooreFoieGras's lackeys, who are anyone who disagrees with me. I own Hay Chicago magazine but I don't devote much effort to it. My life is Rogers Park, my blog and telling everyone what a hell hole they live in. That's my mission in life and that is why I am here".
Shrill Morton was more concise. "I live here because its dirt cheap. I can't afford better. I ask my boss at Jonny Quest Network Services for more money but he laughs at me and tells me to stop taking pictures of the lazy city workers at the corner of Sheridan and Chase. He says I'm no better than they are and I should do some work myself before asking for a raise. The guy won't cut me a break. He thinks I should be working all the time. When's a guy supposed to find time to take pictures of graffiti and poo for his "Rogers Park in One Trillion Words" blog? When's a guy supposed to find time to comb his long, flowing tresses other than during the work day? I'd like to live in Lincoln Park right next to you* but not if I have to kiss The Man's ass. I have principles".
Tomblogger Womannis declared that affirmative action is the problem. If it wasn't for these liberals giving all the jobs to unqualified ethnically diverse people he could get the high paying job he deserves and move to a nice gated suburban community with his fellow Republicans. In the mean time he lives in Rogers Park and is proud if it. "Make no mistake, this is a rough, dangerous 'hood. I'd like to see some pussy liberal live here. A liberal wouldn't last 10 seconds here. I've never been a victim of a crime while here. It's not because the danger of Rogers Park is grossly overstated. It's because I am tough, bad ass Conservative and the hoodlets know they better not mess with me"
Finally, Jostle_Lynn spoke and her story almost broke my heart. "Ditzy, I live here because my boyfriend Steve is lazy and worthless. He said we'd live here for a couple of years, fix up this two flat, flip it and use the profits to move to Lincoln Park or Naperville. But that didn't happen. All he does is spend every evening sitting in his boxers in front of the tv scratching himself and watching ESPN when he could be out trying to hustle up some more money. I don't know what to do. I told him I wouldn't have sex with him until he moved me out of Rogers Park but his response was 'Is that a promise?'. Mom and Dad stopped giving me money years ago. One day they said '35 years of financial support is more than enough'. I am so depressed".
I couldn't help but reflect on the good fortune in my life. Mummsy and Popsicle are so generous. A Sun-Times paycheck just doesn't cover all the necessities in life. There's basics like a down payment on a Lincoln Park condo (good girls can't live just anywhere), a new SUV every other year, memberships at the East Bank Club, a thrice daily trips to Starbucks , twice weekly trips to Whole Foods, regular evenings in the Lincoln Park bars and Saturday night slumming in Wicker Park. Someday I'll marry a nice freshly minted partner in a major law firm or a financial services consultant and I won't need them anymore but for now its a great comfort to know that I, unlike poor Jostle_Lynn, come from a caring, loving family.
*Fat chance loser! If some dorky computer geek like you so much as sets foot on my block my boyfriend Chad and all his old frat brothers will kick your ass so fast you'll wish you'd chosen the option of licking the floor of the Jarvis Avenue El station instead.
Check back soon. I'll be posting more of ace reporter DitzyMcTrixie mindlessly scribbling down anything I have to say.
Chicago Sun Times Interviews Rogers Park Bloggers
(Part 1 of 3)
Ace Chicago Sun Times Reporter Ditzy McTrixie ventured into the hell hole last week to interview Rogers Park's leading bloggers. Of course this included me. Google has been a real boon to me. Rather than doing any research, when lazy reporters want to write on Rogers Park, the do a quick search on Google. My blog comes up. They send me an email and we're off and running. Anyway, here's excerpts from Ditzy's article.
Recently, on a mild October night I left the comfort and safety of my Lincoln Park home to pay a visit to one of the less frequented and less fortunate quarters of the city, the far northern neighborhood of Rogers Park. I grabbed my iPhone, my Apple Powerbook and a venti Starbucks (which I am sure no one in Rogers Park has ever heard of), jumped into my Chevy Tahoe and headed north. I reached the designated meeting spot, Cafe Ennui, on Sheridan Road. The neighborhood did not strike me as safe for walking around in (I saw some "ethnic diversity") and, unlike Lincoln Park, there was no valet parking so I left my trusty Tahoe in the middle of Sheridan Road*, and went in.
Was I glad I brought some Starbucks with me! Cafe Ennui is not part of a national chain. We'd certainly never have such a place in Lincoln Park. What a site. Sprawled out all over were old hippies and beatniks, sipping espresso, reading Jean-Paul Sartre (who I was forced to hear about when I took elementary French at Northern Illinois U.), smoking, typing away on non-Apple brand laptops and wearing berets. There I was welcomed by four of Rogers Park's leading bloggers, Braig Gernliver, Tomblogger Womannis, Jostle_Lynn and Shrill Morton.
Braig is the most important blogger in Rogers Park and maybe the whole world. He's the publisher of Hay Chicago magazine, the number 33 ranked alternative lifestyles publication in Chicago. Tomblogger doesn't work ("Affirmative action keeps me from getting that job I want. That and some post-traumatic stress conditions from when I fought side by side with Rush Limbaugh in 'Nam."). Shrill Morton works for Jonny Quest Network Services, a local business which shows the people of Rogers Park how to turn on their computers. Jostle_Lynn has the closest to a normal job of any of the four. She works downtown in an "office job" but she assures me that "a bunch of silly things like answering phones and filing papers" doesn't keep her away from the primary focus of her day, posting comments on Braig's blog telling him how great he is and what a wonderful service he provides for the community.
When our series returns these four bloggers will be telling us what a hellhole Rogers Park is and how their blogs provide a wonderful service to this poverty stricken third world slum on Chicago's northern border.
*If the Sun Times won't pay my tickets daddy better. His Princess doesn't walk anywhere she doesn't want too.
As you can imagine, I had lots of wise and insightful things to say to Ditzy McTrixie. Check back later when I will be posting parts 2 and 3 of her interview with Rogers Park's leading blogger and his friends.
Ace Chicago Sun Times Reporter Ditzy McTrixie ventured into the hell hole last week to interview Rogers Park's leading bloggers. Of course this included me. Google has been a real boon to me. Rather than doing any research, when lazy reporters want to write on Rogers Park, the do a quick search on Google. My blog comes up. They send me an email and we're off and running. Anyway, here's excerpts from Ditzy's article.
Recently, on a mild October night I left the comfort and safety of my Lincoln Park home to pay a visit to one of the less frequented and less fortunate quarters of the city, the far northern neighborhood of Rogers Park. I grabbed my iPhone, my Apple Powerbook and a venti Starbucks (which I am sure no one in Rogers Park has ever heard of), jumped into my Chevy Tahoe and headed north. I reached the designated meeting spot, Cafe Ennui, on Sheridan Road. The neighborhood did not strike me as safe for walking around in (I saw some "ethnic diversity") and, unlike Lincoln Park, there was no valet parking so I left my trusty Tahoe in the middle of Sheridan Road*, and went in.
Was I glad I brought some Starbucks with me! Cafe Ennui is not part of a national chain. We'd certainly never have such a place in Lincoln Park. What a site. Sprawled out all over were old hippies and beatniks, sipping espresso, reading Jean-Paul Sartre (who I was forced to hear about when I took elementary French at Northern Illinois U.), smoking, typing away on non-Apple brand laptops and wearing berets. There I was welcomed by four of Rogers Park's leading bloggers, Braig Gernliver, Tomblogger Womannis, Jostle_Lynn and Shrill Morton.
Braig is the most important blogger in Rogers Park and maybe the whole world. He's the publisher of Hay Chicago magazine, the number 33 ranked alternative lifestyles publication in Chicago. Tomblogger doesn't work ("Affirmative action keeps me from getting that job I want. That and some post-traumatic stress conditions from when I fought side by side with Rush Limbaugh in 'Nam."). Shrill Morton works for Jonny Quest Network Services, a local business which shows the people of Rogers Park how to turn on their computers. Jostle_Lynn has the closest to a normal job of any of the four. She works downtown in an "office job" but she assures me that "a bunch of silly things like answering phones and filing papers" doesn't keep her away from the primary focus of her day, posting comments on Braig's blog telling him how great he is and what a wonderful service he provides for the community.
When our series returns these four bloggers will be telling us what a hellhole Rogers Park is and how their blogs provide a wonderful service to this poverty stricken third world slum on Chicago's northern border.
*If the Sun Times won't pay my tickets daddy better. His Princess doesn't walk anywhere she doesn't want too.
As you can imagine, I had lots of wise and insightful things to say to Ditzy McTrixie. Check back later when I will be posting parts 2 and 3 of her interview with Rogers Park's leading blogger and his friends.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
New Upscale Food And Wine Shop In Rogers Park
A new upscale food and wine shop called "Taste" opened this morning in Rogers Park. It's in the commercial district of Jarvis Avenue that goes by the name of "Jarvis Square". They have a selection of fine wines and various food items. My enemies are probably going to say that they're a quality business and a valuable addition to the neighborhood. I am not. I'm a Rogers Park anger blogger and my job is to say as many derogatory things as I can manage about the neighborhood. Anything said about Rogers Park that's not overwhelmingly negative might be construed as support for our worthless alderman, Joe NoMooreFoieGras and I wouldn't want that. I've been obsessing about Joey for years and I'm not about to stop now. He's the center of my life. So, I couldn't find anything bad about this new business but trust me, I will. In the mean time you can see them for yourself. They're located next door to Gruppo d'Amici at 1506 West Jarvis Avenue.
Blognotes: I want to remind everyone who says that I don't do anything for the neighborhood that it was me who complained about Cafe Suron when they opened, fought against the opening of the Morseland and am ready to fight against the new Morse Theater. Everyone else was ready to roll over and support these quality local businesses. If that's not contributing to the community I don't know what is.
Update: My former archenemy and new best friend, Tomblogger Womannis, returned from Taste even more upset than I am. He noticed that the "a" in the word "Taste" is done up to look like an Eiffel Tower. You all know how Republicans like Tomblogger have felt about the French ever since they had the audacity to claim that Iraq really had no weapons of mass destruction. Tomblogger went in saw that not only do they carry lots of wines from the land of Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys but they have wine made by those socialists in Argentina. He's really pissed. I'm off to help him calm down. We're going to buy some Freedom Wine from Soo Liquors and sit in front of the Jarvis El stop and drink it.
Blognotes: I want to remind everyone who says that I don't do anything for the neighborhood that it was me who complained about Cafe Suron when they opened, fought against the opening of the Morseland and am ready to fight against the new Morse Theater. Everyone else was ready to roll over and support these quality local businesses. If that's not contributing to the community I don't know what is.
Update: My former archenemy and new best friend, Tomblogger Womannis, returned from Taste even more upset than I am. He noticed that the "a" in the word "Taste" is done up to look like an Eiffel Tower. You all know how Republicans like Tomblogger have felt about the French ever since they had the audacity to claim that Iraq really had no weapons of mass destruction. Tomblogger went in saw that not only do they carry lots of wines from the land of Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys but they have wine made by those socialists in Argentina. He's really pissed. I'm off to help him calm down. We're going to buy some Freedom Wine from Soo Liquors and sit in front of the Jarvis El stop and drink it.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Rogers Park's Leading Blogger Leads Neighbors In Battle Against Soo Liquors South
I'm a little upset with Shrill Morton. You see last night was another one of Joe NoMooreFoieGras' infomercials. This time it was held at the Lake Shore School and it was for the owner of the 7-11 on Pratt Avenue to advertise the new Soo Liquors South that he's going to open up in his store. Some people hate Soo Liquors on Morse Avenue because of the smelly bums who loiter out in front. I hate them because they refused to give me a volume buyer discount. Anyway, Alderman Joey stated that he "wouldn't allow Soo Liquors South to open unless there was significant community support." If that doesn't sound like he's strongly in favor and in bed with 7-11 I don't know what does.
The meeting began with Joey's goon squad (which included Katy Hogan, Kelvin O'Neil and Jim Ginderske) swaggering into the room with Joey, looking all tough and menacing in black uniforms with truncheons in hand. A couple of people tried to speak out against the proposal and were quickly dragged from the auditorium. We don't know what happened to them but we could clearly hear screams of agony. My rival blogger and archenemy, Tomblogger Eastgard, stood up to give his usual typically wussy statement saying that if we're going to have Soo Liquors South could they at least provide a bar of complimentary soap with each purchase so that the loitering bums won't smell so bad. Joey laughed him out of the room and prepared to pull out his trusty rubber stamp. It was high time that I took control.
I leaped from my seat, unfazed by the goon squad. I took to the stage to deliver an impassioned speech on liberty, integrity and the joys of a Soo Liquors South free Rogers Park. I was on fire. The previously cowed crowd took their spirit from me and were on their feet shouting "NO MORE NOMOOREFOIEGRAS!" Jostle_Lynn whipped off the trench coat she had been wearing to reveal her old high school cheerleader outfit on underneath. She shook her pom poms while yelling "Give me a B! Give me an R! Give me an A!"... Tomblogger Womannis was yelling that the real name of the owner of the 7-11 is Abu Dunecoon and his store is nothing but a front for al Qaeda. White with fear, Joey, his goon squad and the hapless 7-11 owner fled into the night. Once again I save Rogers Park from Joey's evil designs.
Now why am I upset with Shrill Morton? When he should have been using that camera of his to capture one of the greatest of my many great moments he was in the men's room taking pictures of the urinal cakes. Way to go Shrill!
The meeting began with Joey's goon squad (which included Katy Hogan, Kelvin O'Neil and Jim Ginderske) swaggering into the room with Joey, looking all tough and menacing in black uniforms with truncheons in hand. A couple of people tried to speak out against the proposal and were quickly dragged from the auditorium. We don't know what happened to them but we could clearly hear screams of agony. My rival blogger and archenemy, Tomblogger Eastgard, stood up to give his usual typically wussy statement saying that if we're going to have Soo Liquors South could they at least provide a bar of complimentary soap with each purchase so that the loitering bums won't smell so bad. Joey laughed him out of the room and prepared to pull out his trusty rubber stamp. It was high time that I took control.
I leaped from my seat, unfazed by the goon squad. I took to the stage to deliver an impassioned speech on liberty, integrity and the joys of a Soo Liquors South free Rogers Park. I was on fire. The previously cowed crowd took their spirit from me and were on their feet shouting "NO MORE NOMOOREFOIEGRAS!" Jostle_Lynn whipped off the trench coat she had been wearing to reveal her old high school cheerleader outfit on underneath. She shook her pom poms while yelling "Give me a B! Give me an R! Give me an A!"... Tomblogger Womannis was yelling that the real name of the owner of the 7-11 is Abu Dunecoon and his store is nothing but a front for al Qaeda. White with fear, Joey, his goon squad and the hapless 7-11 owner fled into the night. Once again I save Rogers Park from Joey's evil designs.
Now why am I upset with Shrill Morton? When he should have been using that camera of his to capture one of the greatest of my many great moments he was in the men's room taking pictures of the urinal cakes. Way to go Shrill!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Stick It To Corrupt 49th Ward Alderman -- Boycott Halloween
I spent last night doing some drinking at the Oasis. This is my bar of choice; since that nasty Brattly tossed me out of the Red Line Tap and ever since a knife wielding maniac at Duke's nearly disemboweled me-- causing such massive blood loss and pain that I could barely crawl home to blog about it. I was there with my former archenemy and new best friend, Tomblogger Womannis. Fellow blogger Shrill Morton was there also and he had a few drinks with us before heading into the men's room to take pictures of an unflushed toilet. Womannis and I are such good friends. It's hard to believe that less than a year ago Tomblogger was after me for sticking fliers promoting my blogs into the free newspapers that are distributed in Rogers Park while I was retaliating by sticking Ginderske campaign material into the same newspapers and then accusing Ol' Blue Eyes of stealing advertising.
When I drink with Tomblogger he usually babbles on and on about someone called "Billary" and some "Osama Obama" character and what a brave freedom fighter Ann Coulter is for saying that all the Jews should be perfected by becoming Christians. I don't pay too much attention to him because I don't see what any of this has to do with 49th ward alderman Joe NoMooreFoieGras. Anyway, last night Tomblogger said something that caught my attention.
He was saying how upset he was. Halloween is coming up and every true Republican knows that its a holiday for Satan. I was like "Wait a minute! Satan? Isn't he someone who's involved in Joey's crime and corruption in Rogers Park? Didn't Joe NoMooreFoieGras allow this Satan guy to work some of his evil in Rogers Park in exchange for a couple of tickets to an Ozzy Osbourne concert?" Womannis assured me that Phughy researched this carefully and it is true. Together we hatched a plan.
Instead of having Halloween we're going to have Blogoween for the children of Rogers Park. We're going to stick it to Joey by sticking it to his crony, Satan. Instead of a haunted house Tomblogger is going to turn his apartment into a "Hell House" that will scare the children by showing them what will happen to them if they learn about the Theory of Evolution in school, read Harry Potter books or vote for Joe NoMooreFoieGras. Then, instead of trick or treating the kiddies will get to go door to door passing out fliers for my blogs. Finally, this fun filled evening will conclude at Jonny Quest Network Services where Shrill Morton will have our guests bob for old computer parts and photos of Rogers Park's graffiti splattered buildings. If you don't think that this is the funnest evening ever you must be a NoMooreFoieGras voter.
Remember, on October 31st boycott Joe NoMooreFoieGras' favorite holiday of Halloween and instead celebrate Blogoween.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Alderman's Neglect of 49th Ward Destroys Couple's Love Life
If you don't believe that Joe NoMooreFoieGras is the worst Alderman on the Chicago city council read this email I received from Jostle_Lynn.
Braig,
I am so mad I could just spit. Yesterday I was telling Steve that its high time we move out of the hellhole that is Rogers Park. I want to move to a big McMansion in Naperville or a nice townhouse in Lincoln Park. I dream of being a soccer mom driving my Suburban Utility Vehicle with my cell phone in one hand and my Starbucks in the other hand. Steve, who is engaged in what he does best -- sitting in front of ESPN wearing nothing but his boxers, barely pays me any attention. When I finally get a response out of him he tells me that we can't afford to move out of the hell hole. He said that maybe when I was at the office I should spend more time working and less time writing comments for your blogs. He said if I actually did some real work we might be able to afford to move.
Well! I let him have it. I told Steve that I will absolutely not have sex with him until we move to Naperville or Lincoln Park and he buys me a new SUV and a new cell phone and a gift card for Starbucks. Steve grunted and scratched himself. I went to bed wearing socks, sweats and a mud pack. I'll show him!
Jostle_Lynn
There you have it. If Joe NoMooreFoieGras wasn't responsible for Rogers Park being the worst slum on earth Steve and Jostle_Lynn would be all happy lovey dovey in their two flat located just off the hell hole.
Blognotes: My former archenemy and new BFF, Tomblogger Womannis, informs me that he ran into Steve today. Steve asked him about inflatable girlfriends. I'm sure Tomblogger gave him some good advice.
Braig,
I am so mad I could just spit. Yesterday I was telling Steve that its high time we move out of the hellhole that is Rogers Park. I want to move to a big McMansion in Naperville or a nice townhouse in Lincoln Park. I dream of being a soccer mom driving my Suburban Utility Vehicle with my cell phone in one hand and my Starbucks in the other hand. Steve, who is engaged in what he does best -- sitting in front of ESPN wearing nothing but his boxers, barely pays me any attention. When I finally get a response out of him he tells me that we can't afford to move out of the hell hole. He said that maybe when I was at the office I should spend more time working and less time writing comments for your blogs. He said if I actually did some real work we might be able to afford to move.
Well! I let him have it. I told Steve that I will absolutely not have sex with him until we move to Naperville or Lincoln Park and he buys me a new SUV and a new cell phone and a gift card for Starbucks. Steve grunted and scratched himself. I went to bed wearing socks, sweats and a mud pack. I'll show him!
Jostle_Lynn
There you have it. If Joe NoMooreFoieGras wasn't responsible for Rogers Park being the worst slum on earth Steve and Jostle_Lynn would be all happy lovey dovey in their two flat located just off the hell hole.
Blognotes: My former archenemy and new BFF, Tomblogger Womannis, informs me that he ran into Steve today. Steve asked him about inflatable girlfriends. I'm sure Tomblogger gave him some good advice.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
'Broken Liver' Has Found Use For Under Employed Computer Geek
We neighborhood bloggers are often attacked by Joe NoMooreFoieGras supporters as a bunch of do-nothings who spend the entire day sitting around home in our tighty whities and beaters using our computers to complain and complain without ever actually doing anything to improve the neighborhood. Well, they couldn't be more wrong and I am going to show them. I'm going to provide a great opportunity for an under employed neighborhood computer geek to do something useful.
You all know Shrill Morton (who I sometimes affectionately refer to as Billy Boy More-a-ton)? He "works" for local business Jonny Quest Network Services. This is a struggling (as all business in the hell hole are) Rogers Park company that shows the many computer illiterates in the neighborhood how to turn on their computers and read the Broken Liver and find out how bad their life is in Rogers Park. Even though the people in Rogers Park aren't very smart, as is proven by the fact that they live here, Jonny Quest Network Services is struggling and poor Shrill Morton has little to do. With no real work he spends his days combing his hair, taking pictures of city workers who are as productive as he is and taking plenty of candid photographs of Rogers Park businesses which he uses to make the neighborhood look really bad. He posts all of these pictures on his "Rogers Park in One Trillion Words" blog. It's a good thing he's never photographed the store he works in. That would really show what a dump Rogers Park is.
Don't get me wrong. I like Shrill Morton. Even though he's got some wacky ideas, like restoring that old Adelphi Theater (who the hell would walk the crime plagued streets of Rogers Park to go to a theater?) Shrill as been a loyal reader of my blogs and he hates Rogers Park as much as I do. So here's what I'm going to do for this miserable sad case. I'm going to let him do some productive work for me.
I could let him redo the website for my Hay Chicago magazine. Lord knows it needs it. Not only does the thing look like a hold over from the '90s but half of it doesn't even work. But, my dedication to Rogers Park is exceeds running the business my father left me. I'm going to let Shrill work on my blog.
Last weekend when I was away being a big he man stud at a crotchcross race I couldn't post on my blog and this gave me an idea. If Shrill Morton puts his computer skills to use he can create some sort of program that will write my blog for me when I am away. It should be pretty easy to predict what I am going to say. I generally say the same things every day.
Get to work Shrill!
You all know Shrill Morton (who I sometimes affectionately refer to as Billy Boy More-a-ton)? He "works" for local business Jonny Quest Network Services. This is a struggling (as all business in the hell hole are) Rogers Park company that shows the many computer illiterates in the neighborhood how to turn on their computers and read the Broken Liver and find out how bad their life is in Rogers Park. Even though the people in Rogers Park aren't very smart, as is proven by the fact that they live here, Jonny Quest Network Services is struggling and poor Shrill Morton has little to do. With no real work he spends his days combing his hair, taking pictures of city workers who are as productive as he is and taking plenty of candid photographs of Rogers Park businesses which he uses to make the neighborhood look really bad. He posts all of these pictures on his "Rogers Park in One Trillion Words" blog. It's a good thing he's never photographed the store he works in. That would really show what a dump Rogers Park is.
Don't get me wrong. I like Shrill Morton. Even though he's got some wacky ideas, like restoring that old Adelphi Theater (who the hell would walk the crime plagued streets of Rogers Park to go to a theater?) Shrill as been a loyal reader of my blogs and he hates Rogers Park as much as I do. So here's what I'm going to do for this miserable sad case. I'm going to let him do some productive work for me.
I could let him redo the website for my Hay Chicago magazine. Lord knows it needs it. Not only does the thing look like a hold over from the '90s but half of it doesn't even work. But, my dedication to Rogers Park is exceeds running the business my father left me. I'm going to let Shrill work on my blog.
Last weekend when I was away being a big he man stud at a crotchcross race I couldn't post on my blog and this gave me an idea. If Shrill Morton puts his computer skills to use he can create some sort of program that will write my blog for me when I am away. It should be pretty easy to predict what I am going to say. I generally say the same things every day.
Get to work Shrill!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Joe NoMooreFoieGras Loyalist Creates Shock And Outrage In Rogers Park
I was busy this morning taking pictures of the Red Line Tap. I want to show my loyal readers what a mess it is so that they all know Rogers Park is the worst slum on earth. I'm hard at work when that nasty tattoo covered, punk rocker, bar tender, "talent" booker Brattly comes out of the bar. He shouts "Hey Braig! If you want to show your readers something show them my new tattoo!" He turns around and drops his pants to reveal my face tattooed on his ass. Brattly gloats "Now I get to fart right in your face."
This is an outrage. The People of Rogers Park have had enough of Brattly's outrageous behavior. This past summer he and his nasty punk band, Roundsteak, took to the stage at the Glenwood Avenue Arts Fest to play an obscene song dedicated to me. It's a good thing that the only people at the poorly attended street fair were myself, failed aldermanic candidate Jim Ginderske (trying to look employed by passing out fliers to the non-existent crowd) and my rival blogger and archenemy, Tomblogger Eastgard (who was busy faking photos showing large crowds). Now Brattly is exposing his tattooed ass to me and dozens of Rogers Park children who were skipping school and hanging out around the Morse Avenue El Station.
I demand that Joe NoMooreFoieGras control his loyal supporter Brattly. I demand that Joey use some of the funds that he's stolen from us over the years to pay for removing the tattoo from Brattly's ass. This will not stand. I have half a mind to put on my pants and go up to Joey's office to give him a piece of my mind.
This is an outrage. The People of Rogers Park have had enough of Brattly's outrageous behavior. This past summer he and his nasty punk band, Roundsteak, took to the stage at the Glenwood Avenue Arts Fest to play an obscene song dedicated to me. It's a good thing that the only people at the poorly attended street fair were myself, failed aldermanic candidate Jim Ginderske (trying to look employed by passing out fliers to the non-existent crowd) and my rival blogger and archenemy, Tomblogger Eastgard (who was busy faking photos showing large crowds). Now Brattly is exposing his tattooed ass to me and dozens of Rogers Park children who were skipping school and hanging out around the Morse Avenue El Station.
I demand that Joe NoMooreFoieGras control his loyal supporter Brattly. I demand that Joey use some of the funds that he's stolen from us over the years to pay for removing the tattoo from Brattly's ass. This will not stand. I have half a mind to put on my pants and go up to Joey's office to give him a piece of my mind.
More Lies From Kelvin O'Neil
I'm back from a stunning success at my big crotchocross race this weekend. None of you losers in the filthy slum of Rogers Park would ever have what it takes to race crotchocross but if you saw me you'd be astounded at my magnificent manliness.
I'm back to blogging for all you pathetic people who never show proper appreciation for all I do for you. I've got updates on the mysterious disappearance of former aldermanic candidate Don Gordon and Joe NoMooreFoisGras's involvement in the kidnapping. The prime suspect continues to be Joey's henchman, little Kelvin O'Neil who sent the following message to 'The Broken Liver';
"Braig,
You seem to have been the victim of a practical joke. To the best of my knowledge Don Gordon is not missing. I most certainly have no involvement in any crime. I am not the "Kelvin O' who sent you the bogus ransom note. Believe it or not, there are people in the world who are not affiliated with, and who do not support, Joe NoMooreFoieGras who think you're a pathetic joke and think your blog is one of the most unintentionally hilarious things they’ve ever seen. You fancy yourself a journalist. I suggest you behave like a journalist and do a little investigation before tossing accusations.
Sincerely,
Kelvin O'Neil"
Who does this lying sack of shit think he is? Does he think us neighborhood bloggers are stupid enough to be taken in by a simple hoax? Does he think I'm going to let anyone treat me like the town drunk shouting at some slightly sleazy, somewhat lazy and a bit incompetent politician in a community meeting? No way in hell Kelvin! He's trying to say that we bloggers have no credibility. He's trying to say that we're shrill and sensationalistic. He's trying to say that our loyal readers are idiots for listening to us.
We aren't going to tolerate his lies. I'm going to do something. I'm calling my fellow bloggers. We'll blog about this. We'll show you Kelvin. We'll show you.
I'm back to blogging for all you pathetic people who never show proper appreciation for all I do for you. I've got updates on the mysterious disappearance of former aldermanic candidate Don Gordon and Joe NoMooreFoisGras's involvement in the kidnapping. The prime suspect continues to be Joey's henchman, little Kelvin O'Neil who sent the following message to 'The Broken Liver';
"Braig,
You seem to have been the victim of a practical joke. To the best of my knowledge Don Gordon is not missing. I most certainly have no involvement in any crime. I am not the "Kelvin O' who sent you the bogus ransom note. Believe it or not, there are people in the world who are not affiliated with, and who do not support, Joe NoMooreFoieGras who think you're a pathetic joke and think your blog is one of the most unintentionally hilarious things they’ve ever seen. You fancy yourself a journalist. I suggest you behave like a journalist and do a little investigation before tossing accusations.
Sincerely,
Kelvin O'Neil"
Who does this lying sack of shit think he is? Does he think us neighborhood bloggers are stupid enough to be taken in by a simple hoax? Does he think I'm going to let anyone treat me like the town drunk shouting at some slightly sleazy, somewhat lazy and a bit incompetent politician in a community meeting? No way in hell Kelvin! He's trying to say that we bloggers have no credibility. He's trying to say that we're shrill and sensationalistic. He's trying to say that our loyal readers are idiots for listening to us.
We aren't going to tolerate his lies. I'm going to do something. I'm calling my fellow bloggers. We'll blog about this. We'll show you Kelvin. We'll show you.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Kelvin O'Neil Is A Lying Sack Of Shit
Little Kelvin O'Neil is no different than his master, Alderman NoMooreFoieGras. Kelvin sent me an email claiming that he has nothing to do with the disappearance of Don Gordon. He had the audacity to claim that we neighborhood bloggers have been the victims of some merry prankster. What a lying sack of shit. Only someone affiliated with Joe NoMooreFoieGras would want to play a vicious joke on us bloggers. Therefore, Kelvin O'Neil, as an associate of Joey, is responsible. Don't think we're going to let you worm of the hook. You haven't heard the last of this from us.
Me and my crotch rocket are off to Colorado this weekend for an important crotchocross competition. I'll be back next week with lots of YouTube videos of the race that you can all oh and ah over.
Me and my crotch rocket are off to Colorado this weekend for an important crotchocross competition. I'll be back next week with lots of YouTube videos of the race that you can all oh and ah over.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Sorry Billy Boy Shoes Are For Throwing
Fellow blogger and Rogers Park's answer to Steve Jobs, Billy Boy More-a-ton has been blogging away telling everyone who reads his Trillion Words blog that the pairs of shoes we see dangling from power lines all over Rogers Park indicate that a crack house is near by. This might be an urban legend. It might be true. Crack houses in Rogers Park are as common as hysterical, sensationalistic blogs so if there are dangling shoes its a safe bet a crack house is close by.
Billy Boy has pictures of a pair of shoes hanging above the intersection of Glenwood and Touhy and a pair of shoes hanging on Jarvis, just east of Clark. Sorry Billy Boy but these shoes weren't tossed by crack dealers.
The shoes at Glenwood and Touhy were tossed yesterday morning by none other than myself and my former archenemy and new BFF, Tomblogger Womannis. We went to the beach yesterday morning where we found my rival blogger and archenemy, Tomblogger Eastgard shoveling sand. We kicked sand in his face and stole his shoes. Womannis and I had a good laugh about that as we shared a 40 ounce in front of the Morse Avenue El stop.
The shoes above Jarvis are an even better story. Back in May myself, Womannis and Boxing SheWoman were coming around the corner when who do we see? None other than little Nathan NoMooreFoieGras. The son of our worthless lying alderman was out campaigning for his daddy. Me and Womannis held him down while Boxing SheWoman pummeled him good. Then, we took his shoes and tossed them on the power line. Little Nathan ran crying back to Daddy Alderman's house on Fargo. Poor poor Nathan. Most children in Rogers Park don't have shoes . The only ones that do are gangbangers and hoodlets. Nathan is now back safe and sound at mommy's house in Evanston. We taught him good.
When Nathan got back to his daddy's house I wonder if Joey told him "Crime is down. Crime is down". Those shoes look pretty new and fresh considering they've been dangling all summer. They must be good quality shoes. I wonder how much Joe NoMooreFoieGras had to steal to pay for them?
Billy Boy has pictures of a pair of shoes hanging above the intersection of Glenwood and Touhy and a pair of shoes hanging on Jarvis, just east of Clark. Sorry Billy Boy but these shoes weren't tossed by crack dealers.
The shoes at Glenwood and Touhy were tossed yesterday morning by none other than myself and my former archenemy and new BFF, Tomblogger Womannis. We went to the beach yesterday morning where we found my rival blogger and archenemy, Tomblogger Eastgard shoveling sand. We kicked sand in his face and stole his shoes. Womannis and I had a good laugh about that as we shared a 40 ounce in front of the Morse Avenue El stop.
The shoes above Jarvis are an even better story. Back in May myself, Womannis and Boxing SheWoman were coming around the corner when who do we see? None other than little Nathan NoMooreFoieGras. The son of our worthless lying alderman was out campaigning for his daddy. Me and Womannis held him down while Boxing SheWoman pummeled him good. Then, we took his shoes and tossed them on the power line. Little Nathan ran crying back to Daddy Alderman's house on Fargo. Poor poor Nathan. Most children in Rogers Park don't have shoes . The only ones that do are gangbangers and hoodlets. Nathan is now back safe and sound at mommy's house in Evanston. We taught him good.
When Nathan got back to his daddy's house I wonder if Joey told him "Crime is down. Crime is down". Those shoes look pretty new and fresh considering they've been dangling all summer. They must be good quality shoes. I wonder how much Joe NoMooreFoieGras had to steal to pay for them?
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Alderman NoMooreFoieGras Henchman Implicated In Disappearance of Don Gordon
The flea crisis continues to spread in Rogers Park but the Broken Liver needs to take a break from covering that to blog about this major news story.
Rogers Park has been abuzz for weeks with speculation on the disappearance of former 49th Ward Aldermanic Candidate Don Gordon. The Lunt Avenue resident has not been seen in public since his close loss in the May run off election. Foul play has quickly become suspect.
The Gordon family has been keeping up a brave front the entire time, denying that Don is missing. They claim Don has been staying at an isolated cabin in Montana to fly fish and write his memoirs. A likely story.
Many in the community suspect that the Ginderske-NoMooreFoisGras forces have been at work. Billy Boy More-a-ton, author of the "Trillion Words" blog photographed an abandoned pair of Don Gordon size running shoes, covered in some mysterious reddish-brown liquid (undoubtedly blood) on the sidewalk in front of the store front office of my rival blogger and archenemy, former Ginderske campaign committee chair Tomblogger Eastgard. Billy Boy is convinced that "Eastie" is responsible for Gordon's disappearance.
I pointed out that it is unlikely that "Eastie" grabbed Gordon in front of his office as "Eastie" never actually goes to his office. However, being the diligent professional journalist that I am I tried to interview "Eastie" when I caught him illegally lurking around on a back porch on Lunt Avenue. He responded to my, as always, politely phrased questions by fleeing to the roof all the while screaming some incoherent nonsense about Nazis and Don Gordon being busy cloning Hitler in his basement lab.
Then the truth came out and this "anonymous" email message arrived here at the "Broken Liver"
"I have Don Gordon. He is my prisoner. If you want to see him alive give One Million Dollars to The Citizens To Reelect Joe NoMooreFoieGras. Read my blog at http://rptalks.blogspot.com/
Signed,
Kelvin O"
How could you ask for clearer proof? "Kelvin O" could only be Joe NoMooreFoieGras's henchman, Kelvin O'Neil. I smell deep dark trouble. Little Kelvin O'Neil has a lot of explaining to do.
Blognotes: Fellow bloggers Tomblogger Womannis and Sandy Duncan reported receiving the same message. Tomblogger Eastgard claimed to have received one also but he really just stole it from my blog.
Blognotes: What was "Eastie" doing lurking on a back porch on my block of Lunt Avenue? It's not like he can afford to live there. You know you're doing bad when you can't afford to live on my block of Lunt Avenue.
Rogers Park has been abuzz for weeks with speculation on the disappearance of former 49th Ward Aldermanic Candidate Don Gordon. The Lunt Avenue resident has not been seen in public since his close loss in the May run off election. Foul play has quickly become suspect.
The Gordon family has been keeping up a brave front the entire time, denying that Don is missing. They claim Don has been staying at an isolated cabin in Montana to fly fish and write his memoirs. A likely story.
Many in the community suspect that the Ginderske-NoMooreFoisGras forces have been at work. Billy Boy More-a-ton, author of the "Trillion Words" blog photographed an abandoned pair of Don Gordon size running shoes, covered in some mysterious reddish-brown liquid (undoubtedly blood) on the sidewalk in front of the store front office of my rival blogger and archenemy, former Ginderske campaign committee chair Tomblogger Eastgard. Billy Boy is convinced that "Eastie" is responsible for Gordon's disappearance.
I pointed out that it is unlikely that "Eastie" grabbed Gordon in front of his office as "Eastie" never actually goes to his office. However, being the diligent professional journalist that I am I tried to interview "Eastie" when I caught him illegally lurking around on a back porch on Lunt Avenue. He responded to my, as always, politely phrased questions by fleeing to the roof all the while screaming some incoherent nonsense about Nazis and Don Gordon being busy cloning Hitler in his basement lab.
Then the truth came out and this "anonymous" email message arrived here at the "Broken Liver"
"I have Don Gordon. He is my prisoner. If you want to see him alive give One Million Dollars to The Citizens To Reelect Joe NoMooreFoieGras. Read my blog at http://rptalks.blogspot.com/
Signed,
Kelvin O"
How could you ask for clearer proof? "Kelvin O" could only be Joe NoMooreFoieGras's henchman, Kelvin O'Neil. I smell deep dark trouble. Little Kelvin O'Neil has a lot of explaining to do.
Blognotes: Fellow bloggers Tomblogger Womannis and Sandy Duncan reported receiving the same message. Tomblogger Eastgard claimed to have received one also but he really just stole it from my blog.
Blognotes: What was "Eastie" doing lurking on a back porch on my block of Lunt Avenue? It's not like he can afford to live there. You know you're doing bad when you can't afford to live on my block of Lunt Avenue.
The Broken Liver Announces New Rules For Posting Comments
In the next couple of days (with a tiny bit of help from my former archenemy and new BFF, Tomblogger Womannis) I will be posting an important story which will shake Rogers Park to its decrepit foundations. This story is certain to attract lots of comments. So, it is necessary to set some rules for posting comments.
Anyone who comments without using their real name is a cowardly cur. The exception to this rule are people who hate Joe NoMooreFoieGras, love me and think Rogers Park is the worst slum in the world. You need to post anonymously. Joe NoMooreFoieGras and his pack of goons are vicious and will retaliate against people who tell the truth about them. If you want to post something I don't like you must use your real name, your address, all telephone numbers, your date of birth, your social security number and your mother's maiden name. That way myself, Tomblogger Womannis and Rogers Park's answer to Freida Foreman, Boxing SheWoman, can find you and explain to you why most people in Rogers Park agree with everything we say.
Blognotes: Thanks to all the concerned neighbors who called or emailed to ask about the well being of Tomblogger Womannis. He's doing much better today. He's still convinced that Tomblogger Eastgard is trying to build a sand barrier to stop General B. Trayus and his force of American Heroes. He doesn't believe that Wee Wee Tommyblogger was just shoveling sand off the concrete path in Loyola Park so that Joe NoMooreFoieGras can say what a great job he's doing of maintaining the parks. However, Womannis agrees with me that Tommyblogger is way to weak, nerdy and inept to construct an effective barrier and the incoming waves of Delta Force, the Navy Seals and Marines will not be slowed one bit. He did do a good job of clearing the concrete path. Womannis and I are heading down there in a few minutes to push sand back onto the path. That will show Tommyblogger. We might even kick sand on Tommyblogger.
Anyone who comments without using their real name is a cowardly cur. The exception to this rule are people who hate Joe NoMooreFoieGras, love me and think Rogers Park is the worst slum in the world. You need to post anonymously. Joe NoMooreFoieGras and his pack of goons are vicious and will retaliate against people who tell the truth about them. If you want to post something I don't like you must use your real name, your address, all telephone numbers, your date of birth, your social security number and your mother's maiden name. That way myself, Tomblogger Womannis and Rogers Park's answer to Freida Foreman, Boxing SheWoman, can find you and explain to you why most people in Rogers Park agree with everything we say.
Blognotes: Thanks to all the concerned neighbors who called or emailed to ask about the well being of Tomblogger Womannis. He's doing much better today. He's still convinced that Tomblogger Eastgard is trying to build a sand barrier to stop General B. Trayus and his force of American Heroes. He doesn't believe that Wee Wee Tommyblogger was just shoveling sand off the concrete path in Loyola Park so that Joe NoMooreFoieGras can say what a great job he's doing of maintaining the parks. However, Womannis agrees with me that Tommyblogger is way to weak, nerdy and inept to construct an effective barrier and the incoming waves of Delta Force, the Navy Seals and Marines will not be slowed one bit. He did do a good job of clearing the concrete path. Womannis and I are heading down there in a few minutes to push sand back onto the path. That will show Tommyblogger. We might even kick sand on Tommyblogger.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
The Consequences Of Joe NoMooreFoieGras's Neglect Of Rogers Park
I need to keep this one short today. My new BFF, Tomblogger Womannis, is having a crisis. Yesterday he saw our rival blogger and archenemy, Tomblogger Eastgard, shoveling sand on Loyola Beach. Even though I assured TW that “Eastie” was probably just working out trying to get buffed up in the hope that I would let him be a centerfold for my Hay Chicago magazine he was inconsolable. TW is convinced that "Eastie" is trying to build a sand barrier to stop the planned amphibious assault that his friend General B. Trayus and the U.S. military plan to carry out on Michael James and his smelly band of hippies at the Heartland Cafe. TW blogged about this in a guest blog entry a few days back. Before I head over to TW's here's your "Broken Liver" news for the day.
Joe NoMooreFoieGras's neglect of his ward is obvious from the plague of fleas that has infested Rogers Park. The problem originated when fleas were disturbed and forced to look for a new home by the stealth teardown of a historic dog house on North Shore Avenue. Yesterday loyal reader, Proartillary, reported that his family was infested with fleas. As of this morning I have heard from over 300 more Rogers Park families who are covered with fleas. This is all the fault of Joe NoMooreFoieGras and his politically connected developers.
The flea plague could easily be taken care of if we had a good dog wash in Rogers Park but we don't. Joe banned them claiming that dogs don't like baths and washing them is cruelty to animals. Now look what has happened.
Blognotes: Here's a statement from Proartillary. "You may think that because I can't afford a better place for my family than slummy Rogers Park that I'm some sort of joke but I'm really an Alpha Male. I am! I really am! I'm going to do something. You wait and see!"
Joe NoMooreFoieGras's neglect of his ward is obvious from the plague of fleas that has infested Rogers Park. The problem originated when fleas were disturbed and forced to look for a new home by the stealth teardown of a historic dog house on North Shore Avenue. Yesterday loyal reader, Proartillary, reported that his family was infested with fleas. As of this morning I have heard from over 300 more Rogers Park families who are covered with fleas. This is all the fault of Joe NoMooreFoieGras and his politically connected developers.
The flea plague could easily be taken care of if we had a good dog wash in Rogers Park but we don't. Joe banned them claiming that dogs don't like baths and washing them is cruelty to animals. Now look what has happened.
Blognotes: Here's a statement from Proartillary. "You may think that because I can't afford a better place for my family than slummy Rogers Park that I'm some sort of joke but I'm really an Alpha Male. I am! I really am! I'm going to do something. You wait and see!"
Monday, October 8, 2007
Stealth Teardown Destroys Part of Rogers Park's Architectural Heritage
Over the weekend, when us local bloggers are less alert, Rogers Park lost one more part of its priceless architectural heritage to the forces of rampant cronyism and over development. A historically significant doghouse located in the backyard of 1543 West North Shore Avenue was torn down in a secret, early Sunday morning demolition. For the benefit of ignorant readers, the importance of this classic Chicago bungalow style doghouse is that it is the birthplace of Dairyland Doo Doo, the fastest greyhound ever to race at the Dairyland dog track.
I was out on Sunday, hard at work performing the valuable public service of covering every light pole, newspaper box and car in Rogers Park with fliers for the Broken Liver. I returned home to thousands of frantic phone calls begging me to blog about this tragedy. There were so many messages that it took me a full 24 hours to listen to all of them and I am finally getting around to blogging.
This whole thing smells of corruption. Why was there no community meeting? What new construction is going on the site? How much money did the land owner, the developer, and the tear down contractor give to Joe NoMooreFoieGras? What precautions have been taken against explosions from ruptured gas lines? What environmental hazards do we face as a result of the demolition? Why is there no fence keeping neighborhood children from playing tractor on the demolition site? Come on Joe! Concerned citizens want to know.
BLOGNOTES: I spent a good part of the morning deleting threatening comments left on this blog by Mooreon car owners who objected to my using of their vehicles to advertise my important blog. If you don't like my fliers on your cars don't read the 'Broken Liver'. It's as simple as that.
BLOGNOTES: If anyone is tempted to doubt that the demolition is full of environmental hazards that threaten our well being then you can talk to loyal 'Broken Liver' reader Proartillary. He lives two doors away from the demolished house. He, and his entire family, are currently afflicted with fleas which no doubt came from the site of the demolished house. Proartillary said "when something threatens the safety and well being of my family I take action." Pay heed NoMooreFoieGras connected developers.
I was out on Sunday, hard at work performing the valuable public service of covering every light pole, newspaper box and car in Rogers Park with fliers for the Broken Liver. I returned home to thousands of frantic phone calls begging me to blog about this tragedy. There were so many messages that it took me a full 24 hours to listen to all of them and I am finally getting around to blogging.
This whole thing smells of corruption. Why was there no community meeting? What new construction is going on the site? How much money did the land owner, the developer, and the tear down contractor give to Joe NoMooreFoieGras? What precautions have been taken against explosions from ruptured gas lines? What environmental hazards do we face as a result of the demolition? Why is there no fence keeping neighborhood children from playing tractor on the demolition site? Come on Joe! Concerned citizens want to know.
BLOGNOTES: I spent a good part of the morning deleting threatening comments left on this blog by Mooreon car owners who objected to my using of their vehicles to advertise my important blog. If you don't like my fliers on your cars don't read the 'Broken Liver'. It's as simple as that.
BLOGNOTES: If anyone is tempted to doubt that the demolition is full of environmental hazards that threaten our well being then you can talk to loyal 'Broken Liver' reader Proartillary. He lives two doors away from the demolished house. He, and his entire family, are currently afflicted with fleas which no doubt came from the site of the demolished house. Proartillary said "when something threatens the safety and well being of my family I take action." Pay heed NoMooreFoieGras connected developers.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
The Broken Liver Thanks Hard Working Readers
We here at the Broken Liver would like to thank our hard working readers who take lots of time out of their work day to post comments on The Broken Liver of Rogers Park. We are lucky to have wonderful, loyal readers like Polar Coast and Jostle_Lynn (at least in her pre-demonic possession days) who stand up to domineering bosses who have the audacity to expect them to do some silly filing or answering of phone calls. It is far more important that they use the time that their boss is paying them for to be involved with their community and post comments on this blog telling me how wonderful I am.
The next time your boss complains about you reading and blogging during the work day you tell him you're not some lazy Pace "worker" sleeping in your car on Morse Avenue. You're wide awake and you are hard at work and if he doesn't let you read the "Broken Liver" on company time then Braig Gernliver will blog about him and does he want that?
The next time your boss complains about you reading and blogging during the work day you tell him you're not some lazy Pace "worker" sleeping in your car on Morse Avenue. You're wide awake and you are hard at work and if he doesn't let you read the "Broken Liver" on company time then Braig Gernliver will blog about him and does he want that?
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Irresponsible Parody Blog Makes Light Of Near Tragedy
These parody blogs that are popping up all over Rogers Park are getting out of hand. Sometimes they can be entertaining like this "The Bench" one which is clearly making fun of my new best friend Tomblogger Womannis. He deserves it. He used to mock me when he was the official filmographer for the Ginderske campaign.
When these parody blogs get out of hand its time for the legitimate bloggers of Rogers Park to speak up.
If you read my other blog you know that a major gas leak occurred on Morse Avenue when a Joe NoMooreFoieGras connected construction crew tearing down a house next to JB Albertos ruptured a gas line. "Tom Mannis" at "The Bench" http://rogersparkbench.blogspot.com/2007/10/alert-gas-leak-closes-morse-avenue.html makes light of this near disaster by claiming that it was really a minor leak and it happened when the construction crew happened upon an old gas line which had not been mapped by People's Gas. "Mannis" claims the fire department over reacted. "Mannis" claims that our lives were never in danger. "Mannis" fails to show suitable outrage that JB Albertos, a business that I have been hate blogging about for years, nearly destroyed all of Rogers Park by turning their pizza ovens back on before I had certified the disaster zone as safe.
You can tell this one is a parody because most of Tomblogger Womannis's blog is speculation on whether or not Ann Coulter wears panties under those short skirts of hers. This post tries to be a legitimate "news" story which Womannis never has on his blog. Parody blog all you want "Mannis". The people of Rogers Park are grateful that I saved their lives by taking my laptop and running into the midst of the gas leak to blog about the gas leak. You should have seen how uber-loyal reader "Far_GoChick" thanked me. That would have given you something to blog about.
When these parody blogs get out of hand its time for the legitimate bloggers of Rogers Park to speak up.
If you read my other blog you know that a major gas leak occurred on Morse Avenue when a Joe NoMooreFoieGras connected construction crew tearing down a house next to JB Albertos ruptured a gas line. "Tom Mannis" at "The Bench" http://rogersparkbench.blogspot.com/2007/10/alert-gas-leak-closes-morse-avenue.html makes light of this near disaster by claiming that it was really a minor leak and it happened when the construction crew happened upon an old gas line which had not been mapped by People's Gas. "Mannis" claims the fire department over reacted. "Mannis" claims that our lives were never in danger. "Mannis" fails to show suitable outrage that JB Albertos, a business that I have been hate blogging about for years, nearly destroyed all of Rogers Park by turning their pizza ovens back on before I had certified the disaster zone as safe.
You can tell this one is a parody because most of Tomblogger Womannis's blog is speculation on whether or not Ann Coulter wears panties under those short skirts of hers. This post tries to be a legitimate "news" story which Womannis never has on his blog. Parody blog all you want "Mannis". The people of Rogers Park are grateful that I saved their lives by taking my laptop and running into the midst of the gas leak to blog about the gas leak. You should have seen how uber-loyal reader "Far_GoChick" thanked me. That would have given you something to blog about.
BROKEN LIVER EXCLUSIVE: Former Aldermanic Candidate's Daughter Continues to Cause Problems In Roger Park
This is background for those of you who haven't been long time readers of my other blog. About a year ago I ran an exclusive expose about how aldermanic candidate Don Gordon's teenage daughter was throwing wild parties complete with booze and nubile panty clad young things in the Gordon residence. I even had pictures I grabbed off Little Miss Sunshine Gordon's MySpace page. It was truly scandalous. It was so bad that I might have even voted for James Ginderske had he been a better dog sitter and had he let me be his campaign committee chair.
LMS Gordon's antics continue.
Early this morning I was walking home from the Oasis. I go there in the evenings now that Mooreon Brattly at the Red Line Tap has told me I am no longer welcome. He told me I was annoying the customers with all of my haranguing them with what a corrupt hell hole Rogers Park is. What a Mooreon. It was the Red Line Tap customers who were annoying me by refusing to pay full attention to all the important things I have to say.
I was walking up Sheridan Road when my alert eyes spot one of those vicious gnomes that I've been blogging about scampering under Tomblogger Eastgard's illegally parked truck. I crawled half way under the truck trying to get a photo of the illusive gnome for my blog when I hear a young female voice ask if i am all right. I told her "Of course not! I'm trying to take a picture of one of those deadly gnomes." She said "My gawd. You're even drunker than usual."
The voice was that of none other than Little Miss Sunshine Gordon herself.
I let Little Miss Sunshine have it. That is no way to talk to an important neighborhood blogger. I told her to show me some respect. Well, rather than backing down into cowed silence like the employees at Hay Chicago magazine do when I am nice enough to illustrate the many mistakes they make Miss Gordon has the audacity to go off on me.
She tells me that she isn't perfect but at least she's not drunk out of her mind. She tells me that her father isn't perfect either but at least he has the courage to stick his neck out and run for public office and instead of just constantly complaining about problems like we bloggers do he tries to offer up workable solutions.
That girl is bad news.
I told her that she's an evil seed but I am always willing to give problem children a second chance. I offered her the opportunity to be the Haymate of the Month in my Hay Chicago magazine. All I requested is that she come back to my condo with me and show me that she was centerfold material.
I don't clearly remember what happened next but I can only conclude that I was set on by a pack of vicious gnomes. I woke up on the sidewalk this morning all scraped up and bruised and battered (loyal Hell Hollers -- this is your cue to offer up lots and lots of sympathy, concern and admiration). Little Miss Sunshine Gordon was no where to be found. She must have run off and left me to fight the nasty gnomes by myself. She has no concern for Rogers Park.
The apple never falls far from the tree. That girl is bad news and I was right to use her to make her father look bad.
Blognotes: As I walked home this morning I saw a Pace "worker" sleeping in his official car. I could tell even through the closed window that he was passed out drunk. I've got photos of him on my other blog and am demanding that Pace fire him immediately for driving drunk on the streets of Rogers Park.
LMS Gordon's antics continue.
Early this morning I was walking home from the Oasis. I go there in the evenings now that Mooreon Brattly at the Red Line Tap has told me I am no longer welcome. He told me I was annoying the customers with all of my haranguing them with what a corrupt hell hole Rogers Park is. What a Mooreon. It was the Red Line Tap customers who were annoying me by refusing to pay full attention to all the important things I have to say.
I was walking up Sheridan Road when my alert eyes spot one of those vicious gnomes that I've been blogging about scampering under Tomblogger Eastgard's illegally parked truck. I crawled half way under the truck trying to get a photo of the illusive gnome for my blog when I hear a young female voice ask if i am all right. I told her "Of course not! I'm trying to take a picture of one of those deadly gnomes." She said "My gawd. You're even drunker than usual."
The voice was that of none other than Little Miss Sunshine Gordon herself.
I let Little Miss Sunshine have it. That is no way to talk to an important neighborhood blogger. I told her to show me some respect. Well, rather than backing down into cowed silence like the employees at Hay Chicago magazine do when I am nice enough to illustrate the many mistakes they make Miss Gordon has the audacity to go off on me.
She tells me that she isn't perfect but at least she's not drunk out of her mind. She tells me that her father isn't perfect either but at least he has the courage to stick his neck out and run for public office and instead of just constantly complaining about problems like we bloggers do he tries to offer up workable solutions.
That girl is bad news.
I told her that she's an evil seed but I am always willing to give problem children a second chance. I offered her the opportunity to be the Haymate of the Month in my Hay Chicago magazine. All I requested is that she come back to my condo with me and show me that she was centerfold material.
I don't clearly remember what happened next but I can only conclude that I was set on by a pack of vicious gnomes. I woke up on the sidewalk this morning all scraped up and bruised and battered (loyal Hell Hollers -- this is your cue to offer up lots and lots of sympathy, concern and admiration). Little Miss Sunshine Gordon was no where to be found. She must have run off and left me to fight the nasty gnomes by myself. She has no concern for Rogers Park.
The apple never falls far from the tree. That girl is bad news and I was right to use her to make her father look bad.
Blognotes: As I walked home this morning I saw a Pace "worker" sleeping in his official car. I could tell even through the closed window that he was passed out drunk. I've got photos of him on my other blog and am demanding that Pace fire him immediately for driving drunk on the streets of Rogers Park.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Rogers Park Bloggers And Blog Readers To Band Together In Defense Against Vicious Gnomes
You've read their mocking taunts in the comments section of this blog. You've read my report on Joe NoMooreFoieGras' totally ineffective response to this major crisis. You know Rogers Park is under siege by packs of vicious gnomes. Forget graffiti. Forget poo in the Morse Avenue El Station. Forget double parked drivers in front of JB Albertos. This is the worst crisis Rogers Park has ever faced. But don't worry. We're going to handle it.
We Rogers Park bloggers have been accused of being content to sit at home posting complaints to our blogs, demanding that elected officials fix those problems whether or not they actually have jurisdiction over those problems, and refusing to try and become one of those elected officials but not this time.
I live next door to the nearly empty Ryder Building which looks like prime territory for a gnome lair. I could be out running around the block with my camera, taking pictures and scaring the gnomes away but that would leave me with no time to blog and we all now how important it is that I do so. Se here's what were going to do.
We're going to form a human chain around the Ryder Building that will keep the gnomes out. My neighbors should be doing this but 99% of them don't care. They treat me like I'm some sort of crack pot because I am constantly telling them the neighborhood is a hell hole and they should move out but when they try and sell I chase after their buyers telling them the neighborhood is a hell hole and they'd be stupid to buy here. My neighbors blame me because they can't sell. I just tell the truth.
So, all my loyal blog readers are going to be the human chain -- 24 hours a day, seven days a week until the Joe NoMooreFoieGras gets off his fat lazy ass and does something about the gnome invasion. My loyal reader Polar Coast will be in charge of getting things organized.
Polar Coast loves me even though I once gave out her real name, address, grade school transcript and the size of her grandmother's panties all because she had the audacity to support aldermanic candidate Don Gordon before I said it was all right to do so. She has her own blog but she hasn't posted anything there in a long time. Her last posting dates all the way back to the time when Ol Blue Eyes Ginderske was my dog sitter. Instead she's on my blog all the time and usually during the work day. She complains about how unaffordable housing is and how she wants to move out of the Hell Hole. I could point out that if she was blogging less and working more she might earn enough to leave this gnome infested dump but I don't want to deprive anyone of the pleasure of reading my blog so I keep quiet.
Anyway, you all listen for instructions from Polar Coast and you keep those nasty gnomes out of the Ryder Building so my important blogging is not disturbed.
And remember, you read it first here on the Broken Liver.
We Rogers Park bloggers have been accused of being content to sit at home posting complaints to our blogs, demanding that elected officials fix those problems whether or not they actually have jurisdiction over those problems, and refusing to try and become one of those elected officials but not this time.
I live next door to the nearly empty Ryder Building which looks like prime territory for a gnome lair. I could be out running around the block with my camera, taking pictures and scaring the gnomes away but that would leave me with no time to blog and we all now how important it is that I do so. Se here's what were going to do.
We're going to form a human chain around the Ryder Building that will keep the gnomes out. My neighbors should be doing this but 99% of them don't care. They treat me like I'm some sort of crack pot because I am constantly telling them the neighborhood is a hell hole and they should move out but when they try and sell I chase after their buyers telling them the neighborhood is a hell hole and they'd be stupid to buy here. My neighbors blame me because they can't sell. I just tell the truth.
So, all my loyal blog readers are going to be the human chain -- 24 hours a day, seven days a week until the Joe NoMooreFoieGras gets off his fat lazy ass and does something about the gnome invasion. My loyal reader Polar Coast will be in charge of getting things organized.
Polar Coast loves me even though I once gave out her real name, address, grade school transcript and the size of her grandmother's panties all because she had the audacity to support aldermanic candidate Don Gordon before I said it was all right to do so. She has her own blog but she hasn't posted anything there in a long time. Her last posting dates all the way back to the time when Ol Blue Eyes Ginderske was my dog sitter. Instead she's on my blog all the time and usually during the work day. She complains about how unaffordable housing is and how she wants to move out of the Hell Hole. I could point out that if she was blogging less and working more she might earn enough to leave this gnome infested dump but I don't want to deprive anyone of the pleasure of reading my blog so I keep quiet.
Anyway, you all listen for instructions from Polar Coast and you keep those nasty gnomes out of the Ryder Building so my important blogging is not disturbed.
And remember, you read it first here on the Broken Liver.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Parody Blogger Shows True Identity
Parody blogger "Thomas Westgard" slipped and showed his true identity today. No sooner than I posted a story guessing that this wannabe wit is actually my rival blogger and archenemy Tomblogger Eastgard than "Thomas Westgard" is there commenting with some incoherent rant about inconsistencies and changing loyalties. What a twit!
About three years ago "Eastie" approached me with a request that I let him be the centerfold of the month in my Hay Chicago magazine. I don't imagine that there are many Hay Chicago readers who'd be interested in seeing a nerdy looking lawyer standing there without his briefs but it seemed like a good act of neighborly charity to let him have a chance to feel like a he man top model stud so I said yes. He comes back to me a few days later with his "contract". The damn thing is 120,394 pages of single spaced, 10 pt lawyerese. If I had tried to read the thing I'd still be reading it today and wouldn't have been able to blog about all these important stories with which I have horrified you all these years.
If "Eastie" wants to show off his bod he can do it by putting a picture of himself shirtless, shoveling sand in Loyola Park on that blog of "Thomas Westgard". You won't be seeing him at Hay Chicago or the "Broken Liver" anytime soon.
Being a centerfold in Hay Chicago is a great thing. I was going to pose myself but my loyal toady staffers talked me out of it by explaining to me that because of my blog I am already world famous in Rogers Park and the centerfold would make me even more famous. I might get killed by some crazy stalker fan. Now I am thinking about posing anonymously by sitting astride my crotch rocket with my helmet on. No one will ever guess who I am but they'll be impressed with my big crotch rocket; almost as much as the ladies of Rogers Park are impressed with me as a real man neighborhood blogger.
About three years ago "Eastie" approached me with a request that I let him be the centerfold of the month in my Hay Chicago magazine. I don't imagine that there are many Hay Chicago readers who'd be interested in seeing a nerdy looking lawyer standing there without his briefs but it seemed like a good act of neighborly charity to let him have a chance to feel like a he man top model stud so I said yes. He comes back to me a few days later with his "contract". The damn thing is 120,394 pages of single spaced, 10 pt lawyerese. If I had tried to read the thing I'd still be reading it today and wouldn't have been able to blog about all these important stories with which I have horrified you all these years.
If "Eastie" wants to show off his bod he can do it by putting a picture of himself shirtless, shoveling sand in Loyola Park on that blog of "Thomas Westgard". You won't be seeing him at Hay Chicago or the "Broken Liver" anytime soon.
Being a centerfold in Hay Chicago is a great thing. I was going to pose myself but my loyal toady staffers talked me out of it by explaining to me that because of my blog I am already world famous in Rogers Park and the centerfold would make me even more famous. I might get killed by some crazy stalker fan. Now I am thinking about posing anonymously by sitting astride my crotch rocket with my helmet on. No one will ever guess who I am but they'll be impressed with my big crotch rocket; almost as much as the ladies of Rogers Park are impressed with me as a real man neighborhood blogger.
Parody Blogs Popping Up All Over
It seems that there's yet one more bad parody blog (http://www.morosehellhole.blogspot.com/) in the neighborhood. This one puports to be written by one "Tom Westgard" and is clearly meant to parody (and is maybe even written by) my rival blogger and archenemy Tomblogger Eastgard.
For those of you who are new to my blogs let me tell you a bit about TB Eastgard (or "Eastie" as some people call him). He wants people to think he's a store front lawyer but in reality he works about as much as me and my new best friend Tomblogger Womannis do. Back in the day, before I totally banned him, "Eastie" used to get on my other blog and write nasty comments about how my blog was overly sensational and how I made the neighborhood out to be worse than it really is. Later he went and deleted all his comments from my blog because he realized he was wrong and I was right.
"Eastie" is a nasty jealous person. He was campaign chair for Aldermanic Candidate James Ginderske. Under Eastie's leadership the campaign was going nowhere even though I was hard at work blogging about what a skank rival candidate Don Gordon's daughter is and my good friend Jostle_Lynn was sending sneering notes to wannabe candidate Chris Adams while I mocked him for failing to respond to her insults. It was time for me to step in and save Ginderske's floundering campaign.
As publisher of Hay Chicago magazine I was in a good position to help "Ol Blue Eyes". He likes people to think of him as a macho man union electrician. He had pictures of himself on his campaign website in his work gear and pictures of himself with his shirt off. I told him, why not converge these facets of your campaign and pose for the centerfold of Hay Chicago magazine wearing nothing but your work boots, hard hat and tool belt. I told him Hay Chicago has a big readership in Rogers Park and they'd be certain to snatch up an issue of "Ol Blue Eyes" showing off his hairy chest and a few other attributes too.
Well "Eastie" threw a total fit. He was so jealous that I came up with this great idea that he told me he'd never comment on my blog again and that he was going to get his official campaign videographer and blogger, my then archenemy and current best friend Tomblogger Womannis, to blog about me. Despite the dire nature of these threats I didn't back down because I never back down when I'm fighting the powers of Rogers Park and trying to get plenty of attention for myself.
After that I blogged and blogged about how bad my former dog sitter James "Ol Blue Eyes" Ginderske is. I totally destroyed his campaign. I reluctantly blogged for the Father of the Skank Daughter but it was too late for even me to save his floundering campaign and Joe NoMooreFoieGras won yet another term which makes my very happy as you'll all have to read my blog for another four years to find out how bad he is and what a hell hole you live in.
For those of you who are new to my blogs let me tell you a bit about TB Eastgard (or "Eastie" as some people call him). He wants people to think he's a store front lawyer but in reality he works about as much as me and my new best friend Tomblogger Womannis do. Back in the day, before I totally banned him, "Eastie" used to get on my other blog and write nasty comments about how my blog was overly sensational and how I made the neighborhood out to be worse than it really is. Later he went and deleted all his comments from my blog because he realized he was wrong and I was right.
"Eastie" is a nasty jealous person. He was campaign chair for Aldermanic Candidate James Ginderske. Under Eastie's leadership the campaign was going nowhere even though I was hard at work blogging about what a skank rival candidate Don Gordon's daughter is and my good friend Jostle_Lynn was sending sneering notes to wannabe candidate Chris Adams while I mocked him for failing to respond to her insults. It was time for me to step in and save Ginderske's floundering campaign.
As publisher of Hay Chicago magazine I was in a good position to help "Ol Blue Eyes". He likes people to think of him as a macho man union electrician. He had pictures of himself on his campaign website in his work gear and pictures of himself with his shirt off. I told him, why not converge these facets of your campaign and pose for the centerfold of Hay Chicago magazine wearing nothing but your work boots, hard hat and tool belt. I told him Hay Chicago has a big readership in Rogers Park and they'd be certain to snatch up an issue of "Ol Blue Eyes" showing off his hairy chest and a few other attributes too.
Well "Eastie" threw a total fit. He was so jealous that I came up with this great idea that he told me he'd never comment on my blog again and that he was going to get his official campaign videographer and blogger, my then archenemy and current best friend Tomblogger Womannis, to blog about me. Despite the dire nature of these threats I didn't back down because I never back down when I'm fighting the powers of Rogers Park and trying to get plenty of attention for myself.
After that I blogged and blogged about how bad my former dog sitter James "Ol Blue Eyes" Ginderske is. I totally destroyed his campaign. I reluctantly blogged for the Father of the Skank Daughter but it was too late for even me to save his floundering campaign and Joe NoMooreFoieGras won yet another term which makes my very happy as you'll all have to read my blog for another four years to find out how bad he is and what a hell hole you live in.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Fake Blogger Reports Fake News
No sooner had my new best friend Tomblogger Womannis blogged on this blog than some wannabe satirist pops up using the name "Tom Mannis" [http://rogersparkbench.blogspot.com/]. It's easy to tell that this blog is a fake. There's a story [http://rogersparkbench.blogspot.com/2007/09/rpgg-fundraiser-success.html] about the Rogers Park Garden Group having a plant sale in front of the shops at "Jarvis Square". It is easy to tell this story is bogus nonsense.
First of all, "Tom Mannis" put up some forged photos showing people who don't look anything like the hordes of gangbangers, crack ho's and other ne’er-do-wells which we all know constitute pretty much the entire population of Rogers Park shopping for plants in front some attractive store fronts the likes of which we know don't exist in the Hell Hole.
Second, any story about this Rogers Park Garden Group having a plant sale is obviously a lie. Why would anyone in Rogers Park buy plants? Currently the only garden plants in Rogers Park are marijuana, crack and the plastic flowers in the planters around the Morse Avenue El Station. My friend Jostle_Lynn used to have a lovely garden but she was recently possessed by a demon and tore up her yard to build an alter dedicated to Satan.
This "news" story on the fake blog looks all nice and uninformed readers reading it might get the erroneous notion that Rogers Park is not the worst slum in Chicago, unlike what I say on my blog every day. Furthermore, although my rival blogger and archenemy Tomblogger Eastgard claims that the RPGG is nothing but a front for former aldermanic candidate Don Gordon the Broken Liver has investigated this shadowy group and found that they once accepted a donation from Joe NoMooreFoieGras proving themselves to be nothing more than another party involved in the constant corruption that is politics in Rogers Park.
Remember, you read it first here on the Broken Liver
First of all, "Tom Mannis" put up some forged photos showing people who don't look anything like the hordes of gangbangers, crack ho's and other ne’er-do-wells which we all know constitute pretty much the entire population of Rogers Park shopping for plants in front some attractive store fronts the likes of which we know don't exist in the Hell Hole.
Second, any story about this Rogers Park Garden Group having a plant sale is obviously a lie. Why would anyone in Rogers Park buy plants? Currently the only garden plants in Rogers Park are marijuana, crack and the plastic flowers in the planters around the Morse Avenue El Station. My friend Jostle_Lynn used to have a lovely garden but she was recently possessed by a demon and tore up her yard to build an alter dedicated to Satan.
This "news" story on the fake blog looks all nice and uninformed readers reading it might get the erroneous notion that Rogers Park is not the worst slum in Chicago, unlike what I say on my blog every day. Furthermore, although my rival blogger and archenemy Tomblogger Eastgard claims that the RPGG is nothing but a front for former aldermanic candidate Don Gordon the Broken Liver has investigated this shadowy group and found that they once accepted a donation from Joe NoMooreFoieGras proving themselves to be nothing more than another party involved in the constant corruption that is politics in Rogers Park.
Remember, you read it first here on the Broken Liver
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